Shashi Tharoor is a man of many talents and unique achievements. A successful author, he served as a UN Under-Secretary General for 5 years. More recently, he fought a spirited political battle to become a Congress MP from Kerala and was handpicked to become Minister of State for External Affairs. As described in my previous blog posts, Shashi has got me ejected from Twitter. (Sources close to the Shashi Tharoor office tell me it was actually his chamchas who wanted to curry favour with their boss)
My ejection from Twitter has been reported by American blog Techdirt, Thehoot.org, Blogbharti, many Twitterers and now India’s No. 1 English language newspaper Times of India. The Times of India website is among the top 5 news sites in the world.
After the Times of India article, Shashi’s office released a statement that I had gone to the media after the Twitter ban because I like publicity. It takes a headline hunter to recognize one.
After being labeled a publicity seeker, I went into a depression. Actually, it was confusion driven depression. I am anonymous and so how can I be a publicity seeker? Confused, I became like a Zombie. I checked into a 5 star hotel – did gym for 2 hours, Twittered for a few hours. If I saw a TV crew outside the hotel, I wore an Indian scarf around my neck and walked out and gave them the usual quote: “We want peace with all out neighbours but we are prepared for anything”. (This line works in every media interview). This is what Shashi does as well.
This morning I rang my boss in the media organization and told him I am coming into work. While walking over to my office I stopped at the news stand and brought 1 large bottle of Coca Cola, a Kit Kat chocolate and a pirated copy of the book ‘Dummies for Twitter by Shashi Tharoor’. I took the bus to my offices in North East Mumbai and took the lift up. No sooner, had I settled into my cubicle, I heard a commotion.
Who was it? My eyes turned to the reception. I saw about 10-15 young men wearing T shirts saying ‘I love S Sena’ barge in. ‘I love S Sena’ on the front of the T shirt and ‘MSS’ on the back. One threw a dustbin at our reception desk. The were screaming abuses in Marathi. One then looked at me and screamed to his chamchas: “There she is. The beeetch who has been troubling our leader”.
Before I could say Twitter, the goondas wearing ‘S Sena’ T-shirts had gathered around my desk and leaned over in an intimidating way. Goonda No. 1 unwrapped my Kit Kat and started eating it and used the empty Kit Kat wrapping to slap me on my left cheek. The other poured my bottle of Coca Cola on the carpet and yelled: “Why don’t you drink local drinks, you beeetch. Why you like Firangi drinks?”.
I immediately stammered an apology saying that due to my Twitter ban triggered depression I was on medical leave for 20 days and had only got to work today. And that I would not dare comment on their leadership criticizing Sachin Tendulkar. I told them I loved Mumbai. In case they did not get it I repeated the world Mumbai (Not Bombay).
Mr. Goonda No. 1 looked confused: “What are you talking about you beetch? Our leader never said anything about Sachin Tendulkar”.
Now I was confused. I asked him: “But I thought you are from Shiva Sena. Your T-Shirts say S Sena. Your leadership did say Sachin should stick to cricket not Maharashtra politics. And you confront media persons”.
Mr. Goonda No. 2 started laughing. “You beetch. ‘S Sena’ is not Shiv Sena. It stands for ‘Shashi Sena’. You have been complaining to the Indian media that our dear leader Shashi Tharoor got you banned from Twitter. Back off you beetch. Otherwise we will get you banned from Google as well”
Trembling, I said I would stay away from commenting on Shashi.
I then hesitantly asked them: “What does MSS on the back of your T-Shirt mean. Is it like RSS or MNS?”. Goonda No. 1 looked at me with contempt. “Beetch. MSS means Mallu Shashi Sena”.
Goonda No. 1 threw the empty Kit Kat wrapper on my face, growled and clicked his finger. Just like a scene from a Tamil B grade film, then they took out huge combs from their back pockets, adjusted their hair and walked away.
From today, no criticizing Twitter’s dostaana yaar in India. Shashi, can you call your goondas off. I will stop satirizing you.
Sorry, Shashi, Sorry.
Shashi Tharoor boots me out of Twitter. Now snubs Times of India
0 comments Posted by Techgirl at 10:28 AMShashi Tharoor is a man of many talents and unique achievements. A successful author, he served as a UN Under-Secretary General for 5 years. More recently, he fought a spirited political battle to become a Congress MP from Kerala and was handpicked to become Minister of State for External Affairs. As described in my previous blog posts, Shashi has got me ejected from Twitter. (Sources close to the Shashi Tharoor office tell me it was actually his chamchas who wanted to curry favour with their boss)
My ejection from Twitter has been reported by American blog Techdirt, Thehoot.org, Blogbharti, many Twitterers and now India’s No. 1 English language newspaper Times of India. The Times of India website is among the top 5 news sites in the world.
Shashi Tharoor refused an invitation by Times of India to give his side of the story on why he got me banned from Twitter. Are you only happy to speak to the media when it suits you?
The Times of article can be read at this link. Relevant part of the article where Shashi and his Dostana Yaar Twitter refused to speak to Times of India is reproduced below
“
Techgirl, a fan of Shashi Tharoor, is feeling combative and very miffed, after she found her Twitter account, a satire on the former UN Under-Secretary General, now minister of state for external affairs, shut down without a word of warning.
A Mumbai-based journalist, she says the account clearly stated it was a satire. The first tweet on her erstwhile page proclaimed, “System is suffocating me. Have begged, begged Techgirl to speak for me.” Perhaps, Tharoor feared her Twitter account would become more popular than his own, she wonders. While we’re still awaiting word from Shashi Tharoor and the social networking website, ‘Techgirl’ talks to us in an interview.
Q. How does it feel to be banned from Twitter?
A. It was a shock. I would like to mention that I am a fan of Shashi Tharoor. Our country and polity need such capable people. But my Twitter account clearly stated I was 'Shashi Tharoor Fake' and on the same front page it mentioned the word satirist and even linked to my satire blog. Twitter banned me without even an email questioning me and my satire.
Q. Do you think Shashi Tharoor should have been more sporting about it?
A. My Twitter ‘Shashi Tharoor Fake’ satirised politicians in general and Shashi Tharoor in particular. Looks like he or his aides or followers did not get the joke. I started the Shashi Tharoor Fake account on October 6 and it has built up 100 followers in the first 15 days. Even the real United Nations Information Section (which has 5,000 followers plus) was following me.
My understanding is that only a namesake can request a suspension. Perhaps, Shashi Tharoor was okay with my satire, but feared that my account would become more popular
….
“
I loooove you Times of India for trying to get both sides of the story. Great journalism (even if I say it so myself).
What next? I am hoping Tehelka does a Twitter sting on Shashi Tharoor to show how half his tweets are written by his chamchas. I am also considering going on a hunger strike outside his permanent hotel room at Taj, Delhi.
Will keep you posted. Much loooove to Times of India. Hugs and kisses. :)
Note: I am writing for techgoss.com these days. They pay me Rs. 1000 for 250 words. Making fun of powerful politicians. Priceless.
Shashi Tharoor is a man of many talents and unique achievements. A successful author, he served as a UN Under-Secretary General for 5 years. More recently, he fought a spirited political battle to become a Congress MP from Kerala and was handpicked to become Minister of State for External Affairs. Now Shashi has got me ejected from Twitter.
On Oct 6, I started a Twitter account ‘Shashi Tharoor Fake’. The bio in this Twitter account had the word satire and the front page even linked to my satire blog techgirltalk.blogspot.com. The screen dump has been published in the previous blog post below. Do you think anyone would mistake it for the real Shashi Tharoor because it says ShashiTharoorMP? If yes, I apologize for trying to impersonate a powerful Congress politician to satirize other politicians.
Shashi Tharoor has many achievements in his career. At only 22 years of age, he earned a PhD from the Fletcher School of Law and Diplomacy in USA. He has gone on to amass wealth and powerful contacts.
By contrast, I am a Mumbai-based full-time journalist who sometimes cannot afford a taxi to social appointments. Under a pseudonym, I write for techgoss to supplement my income. While I have job satisfaction, I don’t have money or power.
In that sense it is an unequal battle. He is armed with money and contacts. I write under a pseudonym fearing that I may lose my full-time employment for writing satire. To protect my identity, the Techgoss team even manages my blog and Twitter account. This is so my IP address cannot be compromised.
Perhaps the high point of my satire was when powerful national Indian business paper Mint was kind enough to give me a few paragraphs and link to my satire blog. The Economic Times did a follow up piece on my irreverent satire (many say my sense of humour is just silly) and I was in satire heaven. Mostly my satire is restricted to smaller websites like Techgoss. Satire does not pay well but it enriches my soul. Hopefully, a few people laugh with me.
Shashi and his team have powerful friends at Twitter. The official Twitter blog (blog.twitter.com) on Oct 14 described Shashi as a Twitter Advocate. In that sense, he is a VIP even on Twitter.
My Twitter account Shashi Tharoor Fake, started on Oct 6, has built up about 100 followers. Even the United Nations Information Centre was following me. By Oct 23, Shashi Tharoor’s team had contacted Twitter in USA to suspend my account.
Shashi Tharoor’s aides never emailed me to ask for clarification. Till today, Twitter has not given me an explanation on why I am locked out. Perhaps, if they had emailed me before cutting me out, this article would never have seen light of the day. Hell hath no fury like a female satirist scorned.
I would like to clearly state that I am a big fan of Shashi Tharoor. Our country and polity needs such capable people. He has done for public service that I can do in 7 lifetimes.
Only if Shashi Tharoor and his team would not be so prickly to satire. In this sense, they are no different to leaders of the regional parties that they purport to despise.
Finally, you will ask me what kind of Tweets would force a Minister to clamp down on a satirist? Here are my very first few Tweets sent on Oct 6. The rest are of the same (bad?) quality.
“
ShashiTharoorMP
Youth icon (like me) Rahul Gandhi remarked how Shashi Tharoor Ji is working hard for the country. Zee news reprt http://tinyurl.com/yc4bnr2
about 7 hours ago from web Super athelete PT Usha, I feel your pain abt lack of decent rooms. Once I spent first half of week at Taj and thn moved to Oberoi. Was bad!
about 10 hours ago from web Bofors mystery solved! Telecom Minister (DMK) Raja assured me no politician takes bribes. I trust Raja and so will not request new enquiry
about 10 hours ago from web Boss Krishna rang to say let 'Bofors be bygones' and to talk about Aussie Indians. But I want truth about Bofors. What is Krishana's Leela?
about 19 hours ago from web Congress spokesperson Jayanthi Natarajan tells me word Bofors is "unacceptable". She said the same when I twittered abt flying 'CattleClass'
about 19 hours ago from web Gandhi said Truth is my God. Bofors bribes bothering me. Meeting Madam today to press for Supreme Court enquiry to show no bribes taken
about 19 hours ago from web What did I do on Gandhiji Bday? Worked unlike you. Gymed at Oberoi, Pasta at Taj and then twittered. Gave media interviews. Work is worship
10:16 AM Oct 6th from web Cong Party kicked me out of hotel (Wtf?). System is suffocating me. Have begged, begged Techgirl (techgirltalk.blogspot.com) to speak for me
10:12 AM Oct 6th from web
“
Hello, my name is techgirl. My day job is writing about business and technology for one of India’s leading media houses. You might find it very hard to believe that sometimes I cannot write what is really happening in the Indian tech world. My Editor is ‘close friends’ with half the tech moguls in India. Our advertising department is even closer to these tech companies. So, we write only positive feel good stories about the Indian IT, BPO and KPO sectors. My Chief Reporter is a true believer who tells me that it is ‘disloyal’ to India to publish anything negative about India. Ms Chief Reporter feels that the sexual harassment case against Infosys was a conspiracy by America’s Silicon Valley to prevent more jobs outsourced to the best and brightest in Bangalore.
Sadly, this has resulted in senior managers and my close friends in TCS, Infosys, Genpact, Satyam etc not given a chance to tell Indians what they really feel. These CEO’s ring me at night and pour their heart out. I will use this blog to tell Indians what their bosses really feel. Sometimes, I am half asleep am not sure what they really want to say. But as an Indian journalist that has never stopped me giving the facts from my sleepy recollection of events.
I am still looking for sponsors. Trashgoss (aka Techgoss) has just bought my blog and will pay me to write satire. Suckers! After working in the tech media for many years, I am open to any sponsorship ‘opportunities’.
But it looks like this satire blog was being secretly read by politicians as well. Shashi Tharoor (child prodigy, young Phd, would be UN Secretary General, Kerala MP and now Minister of State for External Affairs) rang me last weekend requesting that I twitter his ‘real’ thoughts. The Congress High Command has gently rebuked Shashi Tharoor for Twittering about flying ‘Cattle class’ when every Minister was doing so as part of the austerity drive. Later, Shashi got a few bad headlines by using Twitter (and a speech) to tell Indians that Gandhiji would have preferred that we work on his birthday which is a public holiday.
Shashi is a subdued man on Twitter these days. He cannot Twitter his real thoughts and so he has requested that I Twitter what he really feels. Apparently, the Congress Media Liaison office vets his every tweet. This week, we set up Twitter.com/ShashiTharoorMP.
If you want to know what Shashi Tharoor really feels check out ShashiTharoorMP on Twitter. And yes you can stop following him on his ‘officially verified’ Twitter account as that is heavily censored these days.
But Shashi has warned me that ‘officially’ he will deny any knowledge of this new Twitter account. And if Madam asks him, he will look ‘shocked’ that someone has even found him interesting enough to be satirized.
How will I be paid to Tweet on behalf of Shashi? Lots of well stocked parties at the embassies and high commissions which work with his Ministry. We journalists are very partial to good wine and 5 course meals. And if the Tweets help build his profile, then I get a Congress ticket from one of the tech hubs. Sounds like a fair deal to me.
Hello, my name is techgirl. My day job is writing about business and technology for one of India’s leading media houses. You might find it very hard to believe that sometimes I cannot write what is really happening in the Indian tech world. My Editor is ‘close friends’ with half the tech moguls in India. Our advertising department is even closer to these tech companies. So, we write only positive feel good stories about the Indian IT, BPO and KPO sectors. My Chief Reporter is a true believer who tells me that it is ‘disloyal’ to India to publish anything negative about India. Ms Chief Reporter feels that the sexual harassment case against Infosys was a conspiracy by America’s Silicon Valley to prevent more jobs outsourced to the best and brightest in Bangalore.
Sadly, this has resulted in senior managers and my close friends in TCS, Infosys, Genpact, Satyam etc not given a chance to tell Indians what they really feel. These CEO’s ring me at night and pour their heart out. I will use this blog to tell Indians what their bosses really feel. Sometimes, I am half asleep am not sure what they really want to say. But as an Indian journalist that has never stopped me giving the facts from my sleepy recollection of events.
I am still looking for sponsors. Trashgoss (aka Techgoss) has just bought my blog and will pay me to write satire. Suckers! After working in the tech media for many years, I am open to any sponsorship ‘opportunities’.
The phone rang. This ring tone was that I had selected for Genpact founder and President Pramod.
“Sare BPO’s se accha Genpact hamara, Ham Agent hai is ki, Ye Process hamara…”
Hearing the ring tone, I felt alive and perky. Pramod has this effect on women
Pramod Bhasin: Aaah, I am so tired of life. Time to go for a spiritual pilgrimage to charge up my batteries.
Techgirl: What happened? You are usually so positive and full of energy.
Pramod Bhasin: You keep asking me why I still work with Genpact and have not taken the opportunity to become the Home Minister of India as per Madam’s offer.
Techgirl: Yes, I have often wondered why you are still with Genpact. You can clearly do much better. Are you in Genpact for the money because you are paid $3 million a year?
Pramod Bhasin: No. Money means nothing to a saint CEO like me.
Techgirl: Is it the power? As the big boss of Genpact you decide everything.
Pramod Bhasin: Nope. I have tasted power and I have rejected it. Madam wanted to nominate me to Rajya Sabha and make me Home Minister. But I said no. I then suggested Chidambaram’s name. Given a choice I would rather sit in a cave in the Himalayas reading and meditating.
Techgirl: I didn’t know you had spiritual inclinations. When you spoke about Spirits I thought you were talking about booze.
Pramod Bhasin: No. I will take Sanyas soon. To prepare for Sanyas, I am going to lonely, barren places where there is no ‘intelligent’ conversation. And where men come to live out their last few years of their life. Nothing to do but introspect and detach yourself from this meaningless, materialistic world. No one works but only sits with their eyes shut.
Techgirl: You mean Himalayas! Or closer at Rishikesh! Or is it a jungle like Corbett National Park? Or is it an Ashram?
Pramod Bhasin: Actually, I am taking about NASSCOM. Once you have attended a NASSCOM meeting, it is like attending a gathering of Zombies. They just sit and state and mutter things no one can understand. After any NASSCOM meeting, you want to retreat to a world of peace and tranquility
Techgirl: So, have to you tried to leave Genpact and take Sanyas?
Pramod Bhasin: I did this after our last quarterly results were announced. I called Genpact COO Tiger Tyagarajan in the room and told him that I would be leaving Genpact.
Techgirl: Holy shit. What happened?
Pramod Bhasin: Just what I feared. Indians cannot take loss. When we lost popular, respected AP Chief Minister YSR in a chopper crash, tens of people committed suicide. We almost had the same situation at Genpact. My COO Tiger looked me in the eye and said: “Pramod, if you leave Genpact I will climb on the roof and jump down. And this is not an idle threat”. Tiger then SMSed HR and soon the word spread at Genpact that Pramod wants to leave
Techgirl: Holy Raju. Then what happened?
Pramod Bhasin: I thought for 5 minutes and decided to call Tigers bluff. Tigers are cats and then can land on their feet even if they jump off the roof. What happened next brought tears to my eyes. I left my office to cross the Agents on my way out when suddenly all the Team Leaders stood up on their work stations and with a threatening gesture put plastic rulers to their throats. By this time, their love for me had brought tears to my eyes. Sniffling, I walked out of the door. And what do I see there? 100 Agents were lying in front of my car. Being Genpact Agents, they had their headphones and were cold calling even as they prepared to be run over by my Maruti Zen. They know if they do not meet their sales targets their Team Leaders will kill them. My last sentence is a joke, okay?
Techgirl: That is so moving. You created Genpact and made it the No. 1 BPO in India. You have the same fatherly wisdom of Manmohan Singh, so am not surprised that Genpact employees preferred death to not having you. What did you do then?
Pramod Bhasin: I went to the local Barista and had 5 coffees and 4 cigarettes and I realized that I could not leave so many people who love and worshipped me. I withdrew my resignation. I have decided to call a witch doctor to do something about the Zombies at NASSCOM.
Techgirl: That is some story. So, did you withdraw your resignation letter?
Pramod Bhasin: What resignation letter? I am Genpact and Genpact is me. I just have to say resignation and it is as if I have resigned. And say ‘no’ to myself to withdraw the resignation. It is all in the mind. All in the mind
Techgirl: Genpact is so lucky to have you. And you are the only ones you can breathe life into the Zombies at NASSCOM. So, you cannot leave us.
Pramod Bhasin: I know. I know. Some men are indispensable.
Sadly, this has resulted in senior managers and my close friends in TCS, Infosys, Genpact, Satyam etc not given a chance to tell Indians what they really feel. These CEO’s ring me at night and pour their heart out. I will use this blog to tell Indians what their bosses really feel. Sometimes, I am half asleep am not sure what they really want to say. But as an Indian journalist that has never stopped me giving the facts from my sleepy recollection of events.
I am still looking for sponsors. Trashgoss (aka Techgoss) has just bought my blog and will pay me to write satire. Suckers! After working in the tech media for many years, I am open to any sponsorship ‘opportunities’.
The phone rang. It was BJP Leader Jaswant Singh. Jaswant, along with Vajpayee and Advani, was one of the founders of BJP. Jaswant is intelligent and articulate and was the Finance and External Affairs Minister when Vajpayee was the Prime Minister. Now, he is unemployed after being sacked by the BJP for writing a book praising Pakistan founder Jinnah.
Techgirl: Hi Jaswant. How are you? I still haven’t received my payment for ghost writing your book ‘Jinnah –India, Partition, Independence’. And why was I not in the list of credits?
Jaswant Singh: Sorry, you have not received your payment yet. I was hoping to pay you if BJP came to power in the last elections. But as you know we lost, and things are very tight with money these days. I did ask Advaniji and Rajnathji if I could put your name on the book as well, but they never got back to me. As you know, I consulted both Advaniji and Rajnathji at every stage of the book.
Techgirl: Jaswant, what I have still not understood is how a BJP leader can write a book praising Jinnah. This is against everything what your party stands for. It would be like Congress Minister Shashi Tharoor writing a book critical of Jawaharlal Lal Nehru. Sonia Gandhi would sack him the next day. Perhaps, you should have written the book after you retired from active politics.
Jaswant Singh: At that time it did seem like a good idea. You know, sometimes we politicians do lose touch with reality.
Techgirl: What will you do now that the BJP Party has sacked you for praising Jinnah in our book ‘Jinnah –India, Partition, Independence’?
Jaswant Singh: My publishers have asked me to do at least 4-5 interviews every day criticizing BJP and subtly promoting my book. I will be doing that for another 2 weeks after which the media will move on to the next drama.
Techgirl: What do you plan to do after 2 weeks?
Jaswant: As you know, as long as Vajpayeeji was around I had a good stint in the BJP. As I have no political base, I was totally dependant on him. Now, I will have to get a real job. Can I get a job as an Agent in either Genpact or Quatrro?
Techgirl: Pramod Bhasin heads Genpact. Raman Roy heads Quattro. Both take all the decisions in their companies. Why do you want to work as an Agent only for Genpact or Quatrro?
Jaswant: After doing all these media interviews, I have just realized that I can talk. And talk. And talk. And some more. Isn’t that what out bound Agents do?
Techgirl: It’s a hard job. You have to work long hours, be patient and diplomatic and know when to ‘close the deal’ as an outcalling Agent. And your team leader is always breathing down your back.
Jaswant: Can do. Will do. I can also bring other things to whichever BPO I join. I have the entire BJP mailing list. Imagine, how many ‘sales’ we have here. I am quite used to Team Leaders breathing down my neck. Remember RSS is the Team Leader for Agent BJP.
Techgirl: What else can you bring to the job at Genpact or Quattro?
Jaswant: If any of the BPO Agents are taken hostage anywhere in the world, I can escort money/exchange prisoners on a plane. You may have forgotten that I flew to Kandahar, Afghanistan in 1999 to exchange terrorists for Indians on our hijacked plane.
Techgirl: But why do you only want to work for Pramod Bhasin and Raman Roy?
Jaswant: I have lots of experience working with men who have personalities like Pramod and Raman. I think Raman is like Vajpayeeji – intelligent, well spoken, cultured and kind. I am told that Pramod is like LK Advani – firm but fair. I am also told that Pramod is a team player like Vajpayeeji and LK Advani
Techgirl: I can speak to Pramod and Raman to see if they can give you a job. But no guarantees that you will get an air-con cab pick up and drop off.
Jaswant: Before you ask Pramod and Raman a favour, I would like to clarify one thing. Do you think they would mind if while working as an Agent, I published a book detailing the power struggle between two great leaders and how one went and set up his own country?
Techgirl: You mean like that in your current book where you have said there was a power struggle between Nehru and Jinnah. Also, ideological differences between a central control versus federal set up. Nehru wanted a strong centre while Jinnah wanted a loose federation so Muslims could control their own destiny. Who are these two other leaders you want to write about?
Jaswant: I have heard that when Pramod Bhasin started Genpact BPO for General Electric, his first employee was Raman Roy. But Raman Roy left Genpact in 2000 to form Spectramind and now Quatrro. I should write a book about the power struggle between Pramod and Raman because of which Raman left. Do you think it is a good idea? Both are labeled as ‘Fathers of the Indian BPO industry’, have made millions and are powerful figures in NASSCOM.
Techgirl: Jaswant, you don’t get it. If you work for Pramod or Raman and you write such a book, you will be sacked even before you can say BJP. That is how the world works. On second thoughts, I will not recommend you for an Agents job. Good night.
Jaswant: Techgirl, stop being so rude. You sound as if you have some RSS sympathies. Good night. I think I am just having a bad month.
Hello, my name is techgirl. My day job is writing about business and technology for one of India’s leading media houses. You might find it very hard to believe that sometimes I cannot write what is really happening in the Indian tech world. My Editor is ‘close friends’ with half the tech moguls in India. Our advertising department is even closer to these tech companies. So, we write only positive feel good stories about the Indian IT, BPO and KPO sectors. My Chief Reporter is a true believer who tells me that it is ‘disloyal’ to India to publish anything negative about India. Ms Chief Reporter feels that the sexual harassment case against Infosys was a conspiracy by America’s Silicon Valley to prevent more jobs outsourced to the best and brightest in Bangalore.
Sadly, this has resulted in senior managers and my close friends in TCS, Infosys, Genpact, Satyam etc not given a chance to tell Indians what they really feel. These CEO’s ring me at night and pour their heart out. I will use this blog to tell Indians what their bosses really feel. Sometimes, I am half asleep am not sure what they really want to say. But as an Indian journalist that has never stopped me giving the facts from my sleepy recollection of events.
I am still looking for sponsors. Trashgoss (aka Techgoss) has just bought my blog and will pay me to write satire. Suckers! After working in the tech media for many years, I am open to any sponsorship ‘opportunities’.
The phone rang. This ring tone was that I had selected for Genpact founder and President Pramod.
“Sare BPO’s se accha Genpact hamara, Ham Agent hai is ki, Ye Process hamara…”
Hearing the ring tone, I felt alive and perky. Pramod has this effect on women
Pramod Bhasin: What is this country coming to? In the good old days politicians and BPO CEOs could do anything. Now the bloody media is after our lives the way Team Leaders harass junior Agents.
Techgirl: I’m sorry Pramod. I quite like the new India. We are growing. There is money. Heck, we even have an honest Prime Minister. What’s bothering you?
Pramod: Did you know that it was illegal in this country to pet tigers?
Techgirl: Yes. I was seeing the Times Channel today and saw the Maharashtra Agriculture Minister Balasaheb Thorat had entered a Tiger cage in a State zoo to pat the cub. The Minister even took his armed bodyguard into the cage. The cute cub was petrified at seeing all these strangers in his cage. It is illegal to frighten animals in such a way. Under the wildlife act, only zoo officials can touch animals. I think the Minister was looking for a photo opportunity. Now there is a police case against him.
Pramod: Yes, I was reading the same in this Times of India article. But I did not know it was illegal. I have been doing that for some years now
Techgirl: Holy cow! Pramod, you do know that Tigers are dangerous. They can chew off your arm faster than IBM Daksh can sack Agents
Pramod: Look, I am a CEO. It would make no difference if we lost one arm or all our limbs. As long as we can talk, we can run our business. Sometimes I just communicate with my eyebrows. The Genpact HR head knows what I mean when I raise my left eyebrow. My secretary knows what I mean when I raise my right eyebrow. Key word is delegate all your work which I have been doing for 10 years. But I never knew it was illegal to play and sometimes irritate Tigers.
Techgirl: Pramod, please don’t tell me you have a Tiger in your farm. You know it is illegal to keep such a pet in India.
Pramod: I do have a Tiger. Sometimes I meet him at my farm, sometimes at work. Once a week I enter the cage, ruffle his hair, tickle his tummy and rub his cheeks. If he has been good, I even order Chicken Pizzas for him. And I give him lots of dough.
Techgirl: Holy shit. Holy Aegis. Pramod, before you know it Maneka Gandhi will be demonstrating outside your farm and offices. Maneka Gandhi loves animals. She called the Maharashtra Minister a ‘fool’ for petting the tiger cub.
Pramod: Animals??? What do you mean? When I say Tiger, I mean the Genpact COO ‘Tiger’ Tyagarajan whom I have personally handpicked to run Genpact while I do the Narayana Murthy ‘Chief Mentor’ role. Tiger Tyagarajan is from IIT/IIM and doing a good job at Genpact.
Techgirl: Thank god for that. And what do you mean when you raise your left eyebrow at HR? And your right eyebrow at your secretary?
Pramod: I should not be telling you any Genpact secrets. But because I know you write a blog no one reads, I may as well. Raising left eyebrow is asking my HR Department that how the hell we are still making so much profits despite our Agents hanging up on all our clients. Left eyebrow means please can you get my some coffees and cigarettes. I then shut my office and have a smoke.
Techgirl: Wow, Pramod. You are the King of BPO’s
Pramod: And I also have some secret signs with my fingers.
Techgirl: What?
Pramod: Every time my driver crosses IBM Daksh and WNS BPOs, I roll down the car window and show them my middle finger.
Techgirl: He, he. That is cute.