Midnight confessions of IT/BPO/KPO managers

Hello, my name is techgirl. My day job is writing about business and technology for one of India’s leading media houses. You might find it very hard to believe that sometimes I cannot write what is really happening in the Indian tech world. My Editor is ‘close friends’ with half the tech moguls in India. Our advertising department is even closer to these tech companies. So, we write only positive feel good stories about the Indian IT, BPO and KPO sectors. My Chief Reporter is a true believer who tells me that it is ‘disloyal’ to India to publish anything negative about India. Ms Chief Reporter feels that the sexual harassment case against Infosys was a conspiracy by America’s Silicon Valley to prevent more jobs outsourced to the best and brightest in Bangalore.

Sadly, this has resulted in senior managers and my close friends in TCS, Infosys, Genpact, Satyman etc not given a chance to tell Indians what they really feel. These CEO’s ring me at night and pour their heart out. I will use this blog to tell Indians what their bosses really feel. Sometimes, I am half asleep and am not sure what they really want to say. But as an Indian journalist that has never stopped me giving the facts from my sleepy recollection of events.

I am looking for sponsors. Trashgoss (aka Techgoss) will be part funding me the first year. After working in the tech media for many years, I am open to any sponsorship ‘opportunities’.

Last night, HCL Technologies CEO, Vineet Nayar called. He is what you call a family guy. If you walk into his offices, you will see 25 photos of his wife and two children. We need more such family types in the industry where work seems to be the only priority. Vineet is what you call an insider. He started his career at HCL as a Senior Management Trainee and with his intelligence and hard work made his way up. He knows where all the bodies are buried.

Vineet was concerned by the high incidence of his male computer programmers not being in the family way like him. This is how the conversation went

Techgirl: What’s up Vineet?

Vineet Nayar: My wife and kids are fine. It is always such a joy getting back home and talking to my wife. In fact, she is my closest advisor. Just the other day she was telling me on how to manage costs in the North American operations. Big companies like WIPRO are like Amitabh Bachan living on their past glory, while HCL is like Shah Rukh Khan – good looking, energetic and can dance around the old foggies.

Techgirl: No, what I meant was how is work at HCL? (Vineet is from the Sholay generation and has not heard of any of younger crop of actors and actresses. Also, I avoid talking family with him as he never stops once he starts discussing his loved ones).

Vineet: Alls well. But my wife and I are concerned that some of the male computer programmers at our offices in Chennai and Gurgaon are not having any babies.

Techgirl: What the …? Why do you care if they have children or not? They could be busy at work May want to settle later in life. Their wives and girlfriends may not be ready. And you know the good looking BPO types have more romance in their lives than the nerdy IT types. If I see an IT guy excited and panting it is only because he has just seen the latest features of UNIX.

Vineet: You don’t understand. My wife and I want every HCL employee to be as happy as we are. I read this article which clearly links laptop use to infertility. This article says laptops placed on the lap result in low sperm count.

Techgirl: This is unreal. So, why does it only affect your male programmers in Chennai and Gurgaon?

Vineet: As you know we have been flooded with work and do not have the infrastructure for our employees. In Chennai and Gurgaon, we don’t have enough desks and have lined up chairs around the room where the computer programmers work with laptops on their lap. Actually, in Gurgaon, the guys sit on the floor as we do not have enough chairs. We have attached cords to each laptop which the programmers can put around their shoulders to ease the pressure on their laps. Also, gives them more control.

Techgirl: What about the Project Managers?

Vineet: They seem to be okay. What I’ve heard is that half of them log in only once a month. Rest of the time is spent in meetings discussing the HCL vision, setting targets for the junior staff and ensuring it is a win-win situation. A lot of their time is also spent lobbying for junkets. So, no problems there about laptops affecting them.

Techgirl: How do you plan to solve the problem?

Vineet: One of the Project Managers has suggested that we increase the air-con for the room temperature to very cold. Also, every employee can get a pillow which they can use to place their laptop. Also, we are looking at only hiring male programmers who have a minimum of 2 children.

Techgirl: Why don’t you get some proper desks? All the Indian media says you have an “Employees First” style of management. What does this mean anyway? Does it mean “Managers Second” or “Shareholders Third” ? It’s all very confusing.

Vineet: We will. But in the meantime we cannot slow down work. I want HCL to overtake WIPRO and Infosys ASAP. At the end, it’s all about HCL being first.