Midnight confessions of IT/BPO/KPO managers

Hello, my name is techgirl. My day job is writing about business and technology for one of India’s leading media houses. You might find it very hard to believe that sometimes I cannot write what is really happening in the Indian tech world. My Editor is ‘close friends’ with half the tech moguls in India. Our advertising department is even closer to these tech companies. So, we write only positive feel good stories about the Indian IT, BPO and KPO sectors. My Chief Reporter is a true believer who tells me that it is ‘disloyal’ to India to publish anything negative about India. Ms Chief Reporter feels that the sexual harassment case against Infosys was a conspiracy by America’s Silicon Valley to prevent more jobs outsourced to the best and brightest in Bangalore.

Sadly, this has resulted in senior managers and my close friends in TCS, Infosys, Genpact, Satyam etc not given a chance to tell Indians what they really feel. These CEO’s ring me at night and pour their heart out. I will use this blog to tell Indians what their bosses really feel. Sometimes, I am half asleep am not sure what they really want to say. But as an Indian journalist that has never stopped me giving the facts from my sleepy recollection of events.

I am still looking for sponsors. Trashgoss (aka Techgoss) has just bought my blog and will pay me to write satire. Suckers! After working in the tech media for many years, I am open to any sponsorship ‘opportunities’.

My phone rang. Even before I picked up the phone I was enveloped in this calm, soothing feeling. I get the same feeling when I go temples and churches. Okay, sometimes, I get the same feeling at a pub as well after a few drinks.

Sure enough, it was one of the great souls of the Indian tech industry – Chairman of the Board and Chief Mentor, Infosys, Narayana Murthy.

Narayana Murthy: Hello, Salee Techgirl
Techgirl: What a pleasant surprise to hear from you. But don’t you know that Salee in the wrong context is considered a bit offensive in North India.

Narayana Murthy: I know Techgirl. My north Indian friend Pramod Bhasin told me about Salee and few other galis that I can only use with men. He asked me to use this with all my direct reports.
Techgirl: But why talk like that? I must say that I am a bit shocked because you are meant to be the nicest person in the Indian IT industry.

Narayana Murthy: You don’t know the pressure of being Mr. Nice all the time. It is unbearable. Sometimes I wish I could be like Pramod Bhasin who says anything he wants to anyone. If I have offended you, I am sorry. I apologize. I am sorry. I am sorry. Forgive me. I am sorry ……
Techgirl: Don’t worry. My mom calls me worse. And my sister calls me a bitch. I was just a bit shocked because it came from your mouth. What did you want to talk about? How is Infosys now that Nandan Nilekani has left to head the Govt’s UID Project?

Narayana Murthy: Nandan Nilekani? Who?
Techgirl: Nandan. He co-founded Infosys with you. Now, he is the Chairman of the Government’s UID Project.

Narayana Murthy: Oh, that Nandan. Infosys is the same. In fact, it was as if Nandan never worked here. You would have noticed that we did not replace him. In the last few years, he never did much at Infosys. No real work. Just wrote his book and was ‘networking’ with the Congress power brokers. How did you think he got the Government gig? As he kept telling everyone at Infosys: “It’s not what you know. It is who you know”
Techgirl: I am shocked. The media made it seem that Nandan was your protégé and your right hand man.

Narayana Murthy: Are you tickling my tummy, Techgirl? Are you teasing me? The truth is that in the last 5 years, I could not stand Nandan. Always name dropping and tasting wine even in the middle of management meetings. Nandan has become an insufferable monster. A monster I had created.
Techgirl: That is shocking.

Narayana Murthy: I am also very angry with Aussie cricket coach John Buchanan for criticizing everyone from Sunil Gavaskar and Yuvraj Singh.
Techgirl: How angry?

Narayana Murthy: So angry, that I want to smash his Wipro and kick him on his Satyam.
Techgirl: Smash his Wipro? What does John Buchanan have to do with Wipro? John is a third grade cricketer who got lucky to get high profile coaching jobs.

Narayana Murthy: Very sorry Techgirl. I forgot to tell you. In Infosys, an ugly face is known as Wipro. And a backside is known as Satyam. Nandan had started these codes in Infosys.
Techgirl: So, you want to smash John’s face and kick him in the backside.

Narayana Murthy: Yes, I do. I also want knee him in his Polaris.
Techgirl: But John Buchanan did say some things about Yuvraj which sounded true. John said Yuvraj would leave all his gear and rubbish because someone would pick up after him. Every Indian cricketer says (off the record) that Yuvraj did that.

Narayana Murthy: I know. Even Nandan had the same habit like Yuvraj. But you never see me writing a book saying Nandan never did any work and delegated to other people.
Techgirl: Good night. Let’s have coffee at Taj when you are in Mumbai.

Narayana Murthy: Okay, as long as we pay for our own coffees. I am very honest and always pay my own share.
Techgirl: Okay, will do.