Hello, my name is techgirl. My day job is writing about business and technology for one of India’s leading media houses. You might find it very hard to believe that sometimes I cannot write what is really happening in the Indian tech world. My Editor is ‘close friends’ with half the tech moguls in India. Our advertising department is even closer to these tech companies. So, we write only positive feel good stories about the Indian IT, BPO and KPO sectors. My Chief Reporter is a true believer who tells me that it is ‘disloyal’ to India to publish anything negative about India. Ms Chief Reporter feels that the sexual harassment case against Infosys was a conspiracy by America’s Silicon Valley to prevent more jobs outsourced to the best and brightest in Bangalore.
Sadly, this has resulted in senior managers and my close friends in TCS, Infosys, Genpact, Satyam etc not given a chance to tell Indians what they really feel. These CEO’s ring me at night and pour their heart out. I will use this blog to tell Indians what their bosses really feel. Sometimes, I am half asleep am not sure what they really want to say. But as an Indian journalist that has never stopped me giving the facts from my sleepy recollection of events.
I am still looking for sponsors. Trashgoss (aka Techgoss) has just bought my blog and will pay me to write satire. Suckers! After working in the tech media for many years, I am open to any sponsorship ‘opportunities’.
The phone rang at 6 am in the morning. Early in the morning or night means it could only be Sudhir Agarwal from Aegis BPO. Sudhir is a real nice guy. He does Puja at 10 pm and then goes to bed. Up at 5 am and starts the day with an hour long Puja.
This ring tone was that I had selected for Sudhir.
“Om Namoo Shiva ..”
As readers of my blog will know, Sudhir Agarwal has the moral DNA and values of Narayana Murthy and the calm temperament of Sachin Tendulkar. In the Aegis offices, he is known as the ‘Peace maker’ – a man who never loses his temper and is a calming, soothing influence on junior staff. Some swear, they have seen a halo around his head. One Team Leader tells friends that Sudhir told her that he shuns money and power and given a choice would rather serve the poor and homeless in California.
Sudhir Agarwal: Namaste, Sister Techgirl.
Techgirl: (Yawn) Good morning. What’s up Sudhir? Why are you calling at 6 am. You know I never get up before 9 am. And please don’t call me Sister.
Sudhir Agarwal: Okay sister. Will stop calling you sister. I just have this sweet habit of calling most women sisters.
Techgirl: What’s happening Sudhir?
Sudhir Agarwal: I had just done a Havan last night and a Surya Namaskar this morning and so feel pure enough to discuss this filthy topic
Techgirl: What happened Man?
Sudhir Agarwal: On Wednesday, July 2, I was chewing a Banarasi paan and walking near Delhi High Court when I saw the saddest looking Indians on the pavement. They had colorful flags and clothes but they were tense. They were sad and fearful. My heart went out to them.
Techgirl: Who were they? What did you do?
Sudhir Agarwal: As you know, I am known as the ‘Peace maker’ at Aegis. Wherever I see sad, tense and fearful people, I want to help. Sometimes, only a loving hug and a kind word is enough. So, I walked up to this group of young men and women and started hugging them and whispering in their ears: “Everything will be all right. Leave it to biggest CEO ie. God. If there is anything I can do to help, just let me know. If you want a job, Aegis is looking for outbound Agents”.
Techgirl: That is so sweet. You are so innocent. Just going and hugging people you have just met. What happened then?
Sudhir Agarwal: One of the girls asked me which LGBT organization I was a member of.
Techgirl: What did you say?
Sudhir Agarwal: I told her: “Sister, is LGBT an IT company or BPO. Is it a member of NASSCOM”. The girl looked at me as if not understanding. She just said: “Only if all men were as nice as you”.
Techgirl: Sudhir, Do you know that LGBT stands for Lesbians, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender?
Sudhir Agarwal: Chee, chee, chee. Actually, I did not. But I soon realized something was not quite right.
Techgirl: How? Why?
Sudhir Agarwal: After I had finished giving a friendly brotherly hug to all the girls outside the Delhi High Court, I started doing the same with all the men. You know me, I see people as human beings not men or women.
Techgirl: You started hugging all the gay men outside the Delhi High Court!!!!
Sudhir Agarwal: It was just an innocent hug. But I knew something was wrong when the men lingered their hug and would not let go. I was confused and scared. Was my friendly hug being misconstrued? Within minutes, someone ran out from the Court saying the Judges have repealed Section 377 which criminalized homosexuality. Suddenly all the tense faces broke into smiles. They started shouting: “We are queer and proud”. Then I realized for the first time that India also had gay people. It was a shock.
Techgirl: What did you do?
Sudhir Agarwal: I just stood there is shock. From nowhere, media people appeared clicking photographs of the people assembled outside the Delhi High Court. Still in a daze at seeing gay people for the first time in my life, I spat out my Banarasi paan and held my Kolhapur chappals in hand and ran for a three wheeler to take me back to the safety of the Aegis Offices.
Techgirl: It’s okay. Half my friends are gay. There are just like you and me.
Sudhir Agarwal: Hmm. Sister, not everyone can be as liberal as you. But I am certainly a wiser person now. For the first time I understood what I was really seeing when I first saw a few men from NASSCOM holding hands while going into their hotel rooms. Now, I know why so many men are on top at many IT companies. I am praying for everyone. God is an ocean of forgiveness. I did a havan yesterday and a few more pujas should cleanse India.
Techgirl: Sudhir, got to go. Another call on my line.
(I picked up my landline.)
Pramod Bhasin: (Yippee) I am King of the world. Am I good or what?
Techgirl: Hi Pramod, what’s up?
Pramod Bhasin: You known that I am the best strategist in the world. Because of my ability to think ahead, Genpact is the No. 1 BPO in India. I am the ideas person while people like Raman Roy just implement my vision.
Techgirl: That’s true. You are the best. But Raman Roy is cool as well. People say without his steadying influence you would even be looking at starting BPO’s in Antarctica.
Pramod Bhasin: I have another brilliant idea. I will start GAYPACT.
Techgirl: What??. You mean Genpact?
Pramod Bhasin: No, I mean Gaypact. The Delhi Court has just decriminalized homosexual sex. But it will take the public another 5 years to accept them into the fold. So, I have a window of 5 years to harness the creative energies of this group of people. I am going to start GAYPACT BPO where you can only join if you are gay. I can already see all the American gay friendly companies lining up to gaysource to Gaypact. It is a win win situation. I am the King of the world.
Techgirl: Brilliant idea. Good night.
(P.S: The photo in this blog is stolen from the internet. Techgoss are cheapskates and do not pay me much. So, what do you expect?)
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