Midnight confessions of IT/BPO/KPO managers

Hello, my name is techgirl. My day job is writing about business and technology for one of India’s leading media houses. You might find it very hard to believe that sometimes I cannot write what is really happening in the Indian tech world. My Editor is ‘close friends’ with half the tech moguls in India. Our advertising department is even closer to these tech companies. So, we write only positive feel good stories about the Indian IT, BPO and KPO sectors. My Chief Reporter is a true believer who tells me that it is ‘disloyal’ to India to publish anything negative about India. Ms Chief Reporter feels that the sexual harassment case against Infosys was a conspiracy by America’s Silicon Valley to prevent more jobs outsourced to the best and brightest in Bangalore.

Sadly, this has resulted in senior managers and my close friends in TCS, Infosys, Genpact, Satyam etc not given a chance to tell Indians what they really feel. These CEO’s ring me at night and pour their heart out. I will use this blog to tell Indians what their bosses really feel. Sometimes, I am half asleep am not sure what they really want to say. But as an Indian journalist that has never stopped me giving the facts from my sleepy recollection of events.

I am still looking for sponsors. Trashgoss (aka Techgoss) has just bought my blog and will pay me to write satire. Suckers! After working in the tech media for many years, I am open to any sponsorship ‘opportunities’.

The phone rang at 2 am. Still groggy, I picked up the phone.

Airtel Operator: Madam, there is one S. Ramadorai on the line. He wants to know if you will pay for this call.
Techgirl: (As I had studied in USA, I knew what a collect call was. But why was the TCS CEO ringing me and not paying for the call? Still, I decided to pay for the call): Sure, put him through, I will pay.

S. Ramadorai: (In a very Punjabi accent): Hi Techgirl, how are you? Have you forgotten your friends?
Techgirl: Rama, you know I have left at least 3 messages for you. You never called back. Surprised to get your call at 2 am. Hope all is well at TCS.

S. Ramadorai: Actually, I am calling from jail in Hyderabad.
Techgirl: What happened? Yesterday, I saw a CNN/IBN report that you were going to be appointed on the Board of Air India. Today, you are in jail. What happened?

S. Ramadorai: I did receive an offer from the Civil Aviation Minister, but it reached my home two days late. I first saw the offer on TV and then received the formal letter. You see, they had couriered the letter via an Air India flight so it was 2 days late. I did give them my Yahoo address HotTCSCEO@gmail, but Air India did not use it.
Techgirl: So, are you joining the Air India Board?

S. Ramadorai: Actually, I wanted to but the negotiations stalled on one point. It was a deal breaker.
Techgirl: What was it? Money? Better title? You have earned enough money as the TCS boss, so moolah should not be an issue. But then again, you are from TCS where money is the only criterion to judge anyone.

S. Ramadorai: Actually, money was not the issue. The Government told me that if appointed to the Board, I would only have to fly Air India. Imagine. I would not risk a TCS trainee on an Air India flight. How can I travel by Air India?
Techgirl: Sounds logical. Why are you in jail in Hyderabad?

S. Ramadorai: You know I am retiring in October, 2009 and N. Chandrasekaran is taking over as TCS CEO. So, I thought I would prepare for retirement. You know - get up late, go for golf and tennis, come home and watch New York. Have samosas for tea and then butter chicken for dinner. Just like an average North Indian family.
Techgirl: Why are you always pretending to be from North India? TCS is filled with managers from South India. There is nothing North Indian about TCS management. How come you are in jail?

S. Ramadorai: Actually, I thought I would play more tennis in my retirement. So, I flew down to Hyderabad and stood in front of tennis super star Sania Mirza’s house with a sign saying: “Will you play tennis with me for the rest of my life?”. Next thing, I know is two cops are dragging me to jail. Only in jail, I found out that 2 stalkers had been arrested for stalking Sania Mirza. I only wanted to play tennis with a champ.
Techgirl: Heck, that is a shock. Is jail bad?

S. Ramadorai: Not really. This is no different to how TCS treats our freshers and junior staff/Team Leaders. They have put me in a cell with Raju of Satyam. We have been comparing notes about Satyam and TCS. Same business model. These organizations are like soul mates. I should be out soon.
Techgirl: Okay. But why this collect call to me? You could have paid for the phone call.

S. Ramadorai: Sorry, Techgirl. You know TCS. We always try to bill some client for everything we do. Old habits die hard.
Techgirl: Okay. Ring me when you are released. I have to sleep. Good night. (Actually the phone bill had clocked up to Rs. 10 and that is the maximum I will spend to talk to any CEO)