Midnight confessions of IT/BPO/KPO managers

Hello, my name is techgirl. My day job is writing about business and technology for one of India’s leading media houses. You might find it very hard to believe that sometimes I cannot write what is really happening in the Indian tech world. My Editor is ‘close friends’ with half the tech moguls in India. Our advertising department is even closer to these tech companies. So, we write only positive feel good stories about the Indian IT, BPO and KPO sectors. My Chief Reporter is a true believer who tells me that it is ‘disloyal’ to India to publish anything negative about India. Ms Chief Reporter feels that the sexual harassment case against Infosys was a conspiracy by America’s Silicon Valley to prevent more jobs outsourced to the best and brightest in Bangalore.

Sadly, this has resulted in senior managers and my close friends in TCS, Infosys, Genpact, Satyam etc not given a chance to tell Indians what they really feel. These CEO’s ring me at night and pour their heart out. I will use this blog to tell Indians what their bosses really feel. Sometimes, I am half asleep am not sure what they really want to say. But as an Indian journalist that has never stopped me giving the facts from my sleepy recollection of events.

I am still looking for sponsors. Trashgoss (aka Techgoss) has just bought my blog and will pay me to write satire. Suckers! After working in the tech media for many years, I am open to any sponsorship ‘opportunities’.

The phone rang. This ring tone was that I had selected for Genpact founder and President Pramod.

“Sare BPO’s se accha Genpact hamara, Ham Agent hai is ki, Ye Process hamara…”

Hearing the ring tone, I felt alive and perky. Pramod has this effect on women

Pramod Bhasin: What is this country coming to? In the good old days politicians and BPO CEOs could do anything. Now the bloody media is after our lives the way Team Leaders harass junior Agents.
Techgirl: I’m sorry Pramod. I quite like the new India. We are growing. There is money. Heck, we even have an honest Prime Minister. What’s bothering you?

Pramod: Did you know that it was illegal in this country to pet tigers?
Techgirl: Yes. I was seeing the Times Channel today and saw the Maharashtra Agriculture Minister Balasaheb Thorat had entered a Tiger cage in a State zoo to pat the cub. The Minister even took his armed bodyguard into the cage. The cute cub was petrified at seeing all these strangers in his cage. It is illegal to frighten animals in such a way. Under the wildlife act, only zoo officials can touch animals. I think the Minister was looking for a photo opportunity. Now there is a police case against him.

Pramod: Yes, I was reading the same in this Times of India article. But I did not know it was illegal. I have been doing that for some years now
Techgirl: Holy cow! Pramod, you do know that Tigers are dangerous. They can chew off your arm faster than IBM Daksh can sack Agents

Pramod: Look, I am a CEO. It would make no difference if we lost one arm or all our limbs. As long as we can talk, we can run our business. Sometimes I just communicate with my eyebrows. The Genpact HR head knows what I mean when I raise my left eyebrow. My secretary knows what I mean when I raise my right eyebrow. Key word is delegate all your work which I have been doing for 10 years. But I never knew it was illegal to play and sometimes irritate Tigers.
Techgirl: Pramod, please don’t tell me you have a Tiger in your farm. You know it is illegal to keep such a pet in India.

Pramod: I do have a Tiger. Sometimes I meet him at my farm, sometimes at work. Once a week I enter the cage, ruffle his hair, tickle his tummy and rub his cheeks. If he has been good, I even order Chicken Pizzas for him. And I give him lots of dough.
Techgirl: Holy shit. Holy Aegis. Pramod, before you know it Maneka Gandhi will be demonstrating outside your farm and offices. Maneka Gandhi loves animals. She called the Maharashtra Minister a ‘fool’ for petting the tiger cub.

Pramod: Animals??? What do you mean? When I say Tiger, I mean the Genpact COO ‘Tiger’ Tyagarajan whom I have personally handpicked to run Genpact while I do the Narayana Murthy ‘Chief Mentor’ role. Tiger Tyagarajan is from IIT/IIM and doing a good job at Genpact.
Techgirl: Thank god for that. And what do you mean when you raise your left eyebrow at HR? And your right eyebrow at your secretary?

Pramod: I should not be telling you any Genpact secrets. But because I know you write a blog no one reads, I may as well. Raising left eyebrow is asking my HR Department that how the hell we are still making so much profits despite our Agents hanging up on all our clients. Left eyebrow means please can you get my some coffees and cigarettes. I then shut my office and have a smoke.
Techgirl: Wow, Pramod. You are the King of BPO’s

Pramod: And I also have some secret signs with my fingers.
Techgirl: What?

Pramod: Every time my driver crosses IBM Daksh and WNS BPOs, I roll down the car window and show them my middle finger.
Techgirl: He, he. That is cute.