Midnight confessions of IT/BPO/KPO managers

Sena followers attack my office

2009-11-22T22:15:00.004+05:30

Shashi Tharoor is a man of many talents and unique achievements. A successful author, he served as a UN Under-Secretary General for 5 years. More recently, he fought a spirited political battle to become a Congress MP from Kerala and was handpicked to become Minister of State for External Affairs. As described in my previous blog posts, Shashi has got me ejected from Twitter. (Sources close to the Shashi Tharoor office tell me it was actually his chamchas who wanted to curry favour with their boss)

My ejection from Twitter has been reported by American blog Techdirt, Thehoot.org, Blogbharti, many Twitterers and now India’s No. 1 English language newspaper Times of India. The Times of India website is among the top 5 news sites in the world.

After the Times of India article, Shashi’s office released a statement that I had gone to the media after the Twitter ban because I like publicity. It takes a headline hunter to recognize one.

After being labeled a publicity seeker, I went into a depression. Actually, it was confusion driven depression. I am anonymous and so how can I be a publicity seeker? Confused, I became like a Zombie. I checked into a 5 star hotel – did gym for 2 hours, Twittered for a few hours. If I saw a TV crew outside the hotel, I wore an Indian scarf around my neck and walked out and gave them the usual quote: “We want peace with all out neighbours but we are prepared for anything”. (This line works in every media interview). This is what Shashi does as well.

This morning I rang my boss in the media organization and told him I am coming into work. While walking over to my office I stopped at the news stand and brought 1 large bottle of Coca Cola, a Kit Kat chocolate and a pirated copy of the book ‘Dummies for Twitter by Shashi Tharoor’. I took the bus to my offices in North East Mumbai and took the lift up. No sooner, had I settled into my cubicle, I heard a commotion.

Who was it? My eyes turned to the reception. I saw about 10-15 young men wearing T shirts saying ‘I love S Sena’ barge in. ‘I love S Sena’ on the front of the T shirt and ‘MSS’ on the back. One threw a dustbin at our reception desk. The were screaming abuses in Marathi. One then looked at me and screamed to his chamchas: “There she is. The beeetch who has been troubling our leader”.

Before I could say Twitter, the goondas wearing ‘S Sena’ T-shirts had gathered around my desk and leaned over in an intimidating way. Goonda No. 1 unwrapped my Kit Kat and started eating it and used the empty Kit Kat wrapping to slap me on my left cheek. The other poured my bottle of Coca Cola on the carpet and yelled: “Why don’t you drink local drinks, you beeetch. Why you like Firangi drinks?”.

I immediately stammered an apology saying that due to my Twitter ban triggered depression I was on medical leave for 20 days and had only got to work today. And that I would not dare comment on their leadership criticizing Sachin Tendulkar. I told them I loved Mumbai. In case they did not get it I repeated the world Mumbai (Not Bombay).

Mr. Goonda No. 1 looked confused: “What are you talking about you beetch? Our leader never said anything about Sachin Tendulkar”.

Now I was confused. I asked him: “But I thought you are from Shiva Sena. Your T-Shirts say S Sena. Your leadership did say Sachin should stick to cricket not Maharashtra politics. And you confront media persons”.

Mr. Goonda No. 2 started laughing. “You beetch. ‘S Sena’ is not Shiv Sena. It stands for ‘Shashi Sena’. You have been complaining to the Indian media that our dear leader Shashi Tharoor got you banned from Twitter. Back off you beetch. Otherwise we will get you banned from Google as well”

Trembling, I said I would stay away from commenting on Shashi.

I then hesitantly asked them: “What does MSS on the back of your T-Shirt mean. Is it like RSS or MNS?”. Goonda No. 1 looked at me with contempt. “Beetch. MSS means Mallu Shashi Sena”.

Goonda No. 1 threw the empty Kit Kat wrapper on my face, growled and clicked his finger. Just like a scene from a Tamil B grade film, then they took out huge combs from their back pockets, adjusted their hair and walked away.

From today, no criticizing Twitter’s dostaana yaar in India. Shashi, can you call your goondas off. I will stop satirizing you.

Sorry, Shashi, Sorry.

Shashi Tharoor boots me out of Twitter. Now snubs Times of India

2009-11-10T10:28:00.001+05:30

Shashi Tharoor is a man of many talents and unique achievements. A successful author, he served as a UN Under-Secretary General for 5 years. More recently, he fought a spirited political battle to become a Congress MP from Kerala and was handpicked to become Minister of State for External Affairs. As described in my previous blog posts, Shashi has got me ejected from Twitter. (Sources close to the Shashi Tharoor office tell me it was actually his chamchas who wanted to curry favour with their boss)

My ejection from Twitter has been reported by American blog Techdirt, Thehoot.org, Blogbharti, many Twitterers and now India’s No. 1 English language newspaper Times of India. The Times of India website is among the top 5 news sites in the world.

Shashi Tharoor refused an invitation by Times of India to give his side of the story on why he got me banned from Twitter. Are you only happy to speak to the media when it suits you?

The Times of article can be read at this link. Relevant part of the article where Shashi and his Dostana Yaar Twitter refused to speak to Times of India is reproduced below

“
Techgirl, a fan of Shashi Tharoor, is feeling combative and very miffed, after she found her Twitter account, a satire on the former UN Under-Secretary General, now minister of state for external affairs, shut down without a word of warning.

A Mumbai-based journalist, she says the account clearly stated it was a satire. The first tweet on her erstwhile page proclaimed, “System is suffocating me. Have begged, begged Techgirl to speak for me.” Perhaps, Tharoor feared her Twitter account would become more popular than his own, she wonders. While we’re still awaiting word from Shashi Tharoor and the social networking website, ‘Techgirl’ talks to us in an interview.

Q. How does it feel to be banned from Twitter?
A. It was a shock. I would like to mention that I am a fan of Shashi Tharoor. Our country and polity need such capable people. But my Twitter account clearly stated I was 'Shashi Tharoor Fake' and on the same front page it mentioned the word satirist and even linked to my satire blog. Twitter banned me without even an email questioning me and my satire.

Q. Do you think Shashi Tharoor should have been more sporting about it?
A. My Twitter ‘Shashi Tharoor Fake’ satirised politicians in general and Shashi Tharoor in particular. Looks like he or his aides or followers did not get the joke. I started the Shashi Tharoor Fake account on October 6 and it has built up 100 followers in the first 15 days. Even the real United Nations Information Section (which has 5,000 followers plus) was following me.

My understanding is that only a namesake can request a suspension. Perhaps, Shashi Tharoor was okay with my satire, but feared that my account would become more popular
….
“

I loooove you Times of India for trying to get both sides of the story. Great journalism (even if I say it so myself).

What next? I am hoping Tehelka does a Twitter sting on Shashi Tharoor to show how half his tweets are written by his chamchas. I am also considering going on a hunger strike outside his permanent hotel room at Taj, Delhi.

Will keep you posted. Much loooove to Times of India. Hugs and kisses. :)

Note: I am writing for techgoss.com these days. They pay me Rs. 1000 for 250 words. Making fun of powerful politicians. Priceless.

Minister Shashi Tharoor evicts me from Twitter

2009-10-28T17:00:00.002+05:30

Shashi Tharoor is a man of many talents and unique achievements. A successful author, he served as a UN Under-Secretary General for 5 years. More recently, he fought a spirited political battle to become a Congress MP from Kerala and was handpicked to become Minister of State for External Affairs. Now Shashi has got me ejected from Twitter.

On Oct 6, I started a Twitter account ‘Shashi Tharoor Fake’. The bio in this Twitter account had the word satire and the front page even linked to my satire blog techgirltalk.blogspot.com. The screen dump has been published in the previous blog post below. Do you think anyone would mistake it for the real Shashi Tharoor because it says ShashiTharoorMP? If yes, I apologize for trying to impersonate a powerful Congress politician to satirize other politicians.

Shashi Tharoor has many achievements in his career. At only 22 years of age, he earned a PhD from the Fletcher School of Law and Diplomacy in USA. He has gone on to amass wealth and powerful contacts.

By contrast, I am a Mumbai-based full-time journalist who sometimes cannot afford a taxi to social appointments. Under a pseudonym, I write for techgoss to supplement my income. While I have job satisfaction, I don’t have money or power.

In that sense it is an unequal battle. He is armed with money and contacts. I write under a pseudonym fearing that I may lose my full-time employment for writing satire. To protect my identity, the Techgoss team even manages my blog and Twitter account. This is so my IP address cannot be compromised.

Perhaps the high point of my satire was when powerful national Indian business paper Mint was kind enough to give me a few paragraphs and link to my satire blog. The Economic Times did a follow up piece on my irreverent satire (many say my sense of humour is just silly) and I was in satire heaven. Mostly my satire is restricted to smaller websites like Techgoss. Satire does not pay well but it enriches my soul. Hopefully, a few people laugh with me.

Shashi and his team have powerful friends at Twitter. The official Twitter blog (blog.twitter.com) on Oct 14 described Shashi as a Twitter Advocate. In that sense, he is a VIP even on Twitter.

My Twitter account Shashi Tharoor Fake, started on Oct 6, has built up about 100 followers. Even the United Nations Information Centre was following me. By Oct 23, Shashi Tharoor’s team had contacted Twitter in USA to suspend my account.

Shashi Tharoor’s aides never emailed me to ask for clarification. Till today, Twitter has not given me an explanation on why I am locked out. Perhaps, if they had emailed me before cutting me out, this article would never have seen light of the day. Hell hath no fury like a female satirist scorned.

I would like to clearly state that I am a big fan of Shashi Tharoor. Our country and polity needs such capable people. He has done for public service that I can do in 7 lifetimes.

Only if Shashi Tharoor and his team would not be so prickly to satire. In this sense, they are no different to leaders of the regional parties that they purport to despise.

Finally, you will ask me what kind of Tweets would force a Minister to clamp down on a satirist? Here are my very first few Tweets sent on Oct 6. The rest are of the same (bad?) quality.

“
ShashiTharoorMP
Youth icon (like me) Rahul Gandhi remarked how Shashi Tharoor Ji is working hard for the country. Zee news reprt http://tinyurl.com/yc4bnr2
about 7 hours ago from web Super athelete PT Usha, I feel your pain abt lack of decent rooms. Once I spent first half of week at Taj and thn moved to Oberoi. Was bad!
about 10 hours ago from web Bofors mystery solved! Telecom Minister (DMK) Raja assured me no politician takes bribes. I trust Raja and so will not request new enquiry
about 10 hours ago from web Boss Krishna rang to say let 'Bofors be bygones' and to talk about Aussie Indians. But I want truth about Bofors. What is Krishana's Leela?
about 19 hours ago from web Congress spokesperson Jayanthi Natarajan tells me word Bofors is "unacceptable". She said the same when I twittered abt flying 'CattleClass'
about 19 hours ago from web Gandhi said Truth is my God. Bofors bribes bothering me. Meeting Madam today to press for Supreme Court enquiry to show no bribes taken
about 19 hours ago from web What did I do on Gandhiji Bday? Worked unlike you. Gymed at Oberoi, Pasta at Taj and then twittered. Gave media interviews. Work is worship
10:16 AM Oct 6th from web Cong Party kicked me out of hotel (Wtf?). System is suffocating me. Have begged, begged Techgirl (techgirltalk.blogspot.com) to speak for me
10:12 AM Oct 6th from web
“

Shashi Tharoor hires Techgirl. Now I am on Twitter

2009-10-08T19:22:00.003+05:30

Pramod Bhasin: I am scared to leave Genpact

2009-09-09T18:08:00.003+05:30

Hello, my name is techgirl. My day job is writing about business and technology for one of India’s leading media houses. You might find it very hard to believe that sometimes I cannot write what is really happening in the Indian tech world. My Editor is ‘close friends’ with half the tech moguls in India. Our advertising department is even closer to these tech companies. So, we write only positive feel good stories about the Indian IT, BPO and KPO sectors. My Chief Reporter is a true believer who tells me that it is ‘disloyal’ to India to publish anything negative about India. Ms Chief Reporter feels that the sexual harassment case against Infosys was a conspiracy by America’s Silicon Valley to prevent more jobs outsourced to the best and brightest in Bangalore.

Sadly, this has resulted in senior managers and my close friends in TCS, Infosys, Genpact, Satyam etc not given a chance to tell Indians what they really feel. These CEO’s ring me at night and pour their heart out. I will use this blog to tell Indians what their bosses really feel. Sometimes, I am half asleep am not sure what they really want to say. But as an Indian journalist that has never stopped me giving the facts from my sleepy recollection of events.

I am still looking for sponsors. Trashgoss (aka Techgoss) has just bought my blog and will pay me to write satire. Suckers! After working in the tech media for many years, I am open to any sponsorship ‘opportunities’.

The phone rang. This ring tone was that I had selected for Genpact founder and President Pramod.

“Sare BPO’s se accha Genpact hamara, Ham Agent hai is ki, Ye Process hamara…”

Hearing the ring tone, I felt alive and perky. Pramod has this effect on women

Pramod Bhasin: Aaah, I am so tired of life. Time to go for a spiritual pilgrimage to charge up my batteries.
Techgirl: What happened? You are usually so positive and full of energy.

Pramod Bhasin: You keep asking me why I still work with Genpact and have not taken the opportunity to become the Home Minister of India as per Madam’s offer.
Techgirl: Yes, I have often wondered why you are still with Genpact. You can clearly do much better. Are you in Genpact for the money because you are paid $3 million a year?

Pramod Bhasin: No. Money means nothing to a saint CEO like me.
Techgirl: Is it the power? As the big boss of Genpact you decide everything.

Pramod Bhasin: Nope. I have tasted power and I have rejected it. Madam wanted to nominate me to Rajya Sabha and make me Home Minister. But I said no. I then suggested Chidambaram’s name. Given a choice I would rather sit in a cave in the Himalayas reading and meditating.
Techgirl: I didn’t know you had spiritual inclinations. When you spoke about Spirits I thought you were talking about booze.

Pramod Bhasin: No. I will take Sanyas soon. To prepare for Sanyas, I am going to lonely, barren places where there is no ‘intelligent’ conversation. And where men come to live out their last few years of their life. Nothing to do but introspect and detach yourself from this meaningless, materialistic world. No one works but only sits with their eyes shut.
Techgirl: You mean Himalayas! Or closer at Rishikesh! Or is it a jungle like Corbett National Park? Or is it an Ashram?

Pramod Bhasin: Actually, I am taking about NASSCOM. Once you have attended a NASSCOM meeting, it is like attending a gathering of Zombies. They just sit and state and mutter things no one can understand. After any NASSCOM meeting, you want to retreat to a world of peace and tranquility
Techgirl: So, have to you tried to leave Genpact and take Sanyas?

Pramod Bhasin: I did this after our last quarterly results were announced. I called Genpact COO Tiger Tyagarajan in the room and told him that I would be leaving Genpact.
Techgirl: Holy shit. What happened?

Pramod Bhasin: Just what I feared. Indians cannot take loss. When we lost popular, respected AP Chief Minister YSR in a chopper crash, tens of people committed suicide. We almost had the same situation at Genpact. My COO Tiger looked me in the eye and said: “Pramod, if you leave Genpact I will climb on the roof and jump down. And this is not an idle threat”. Tiger then SMSed HR and soon the word spread at Genpact that Pramod wants to leave
Techgirl: Holy Raju. Then what happened?

Pramod Bhasin: I thought for 5 minutes and decided to call Tigers bluff. Tigers are cats and then can land on their feet even if they jump off the roof. What happened next brought tears to my eyes. I left my office to cross the Agents on my way out when suddenly all the Team Leaders stood up on their work stations and with a threatening gesture put plastic rulers to their throats. By this time, their love for me had brought tears to my eyes. Sniffling, I walked out of the door. And what do I see there? 100 Agents were lying in front of my car. Being Genpact Agents, they had their headphones and were cold calling even as they prepared to be run over by my Maruti Zen. They know if they do not meet their sales targets their Team Leaders will kill them. My last sentence is a joke, okay?
Techgirl: That is so moving. You created Genpact and made it the No. 1 BPO in India. You have the same fatherly wisdom of Manmohan Singh, so am not surprised that Genpact employees preferred death to not having you. What did you do then?

Pramod Bhasin: I went to the local Barista and had 5 coffees and 4 cigarettes and I realized that I could not leave so many people who love and worshipped me. I withdrew my resignation. I have decided to call a witch doctor to do something about the Zombies at NASSCOM.
Techgirl: That is some story. So, did you withdraw your resignation letter?

Pramod Bhasin: What resignation letter? I am Genpact and Genpact is me. I just have to say resignation and it is as if I have resigned. And say ‘no’ to myself to withdraw the resignation. It is all in the mind. All in the mind
Techgirl: Genpact is so lucky to have you. And you are the only ones you can breathe life into the Zombies at NASSCOM. So, you cannot leave us.

Pramod Bhasin: I know. I know. Some men are indispensable.

Jaswant Singh: Can I get a job in the BPO industry?

2009-08-20T19:34:00.006+05:30

Hello, my name is techgirl. My day job is writing about business and technology for one of India’s leading media houses. You might find it very hard to believe that sometimes I cannot write what is really happening in the Indian tech world. My Editor is ‘close friends’ with half the tech moguls in India. Our advertising department is even closer to these tech companies. So, we write only positive feel good stories about the Indian IT, BPO and KPO sectors. My Chief Reporter is a true believer who tells me that it is ‘disloyal’ to India to publish anything negative about India. Ms Chief Reporter feels that the sexual harassment case against Infosys was a conspiracy by America’s Silicon Valley to prevent more jobs outsourced to the best and brightest in Bangalore.

Sadly, this has resulted in senior managers and my close friends in TCS, Infosys, Genpact, Satyam etc not given a chance to tell Indians what they really feel. These CEO’s ring me at night and pour their heart out. I will use this blog to tell Indians what their bosses really feel. Sometimes, I am half asleep am not sure what they really want to say. But as an Indian journalist that has never stopped me giving the facts from my sleepy recollection of events.

I am still looking for sponsors. Trashgoss (aka Techgoss) has just bought my blog and will pay me to write satire. Suckers! After working in the tech media for many years, I am open to any sponsorship ‘opportunities’.

The phone rang. It was BJP Leader Jaswant Singh. Jaswant, along with Vajpayee and Advani, was one of the founders of BJP. Jaswant is intelligent and articulate and was the Finance and External Affairs Minister when Vajpayee was the Prime Minister. Now, he is unemployed after being sacked by the BJP for writing a book praising Pakistan founder Jinnah.

Techgirl: Hi Jaswant. How are you? I still haven’t received my payment for ghost writing your book ‘Jinnah –India, Partition, Independence’. And why was I not in the list of credits?
Jaswant Singh: Sorry, you have not received your payment yet. I was hoping to pay you if BJP came to power in the last elections. But as you know we lost, and things are very tight with money these days. I did ask Advaniji and Rajnathji if I could put your name on the book as well, but they never got back to me. As you know, I consulted both Advaniji and Rajnathji at every stage of the book.

Techgirl: Jaswant, what I have still not understood is how a BJP leader can write a book praising Jinnah. This is against everything what your party stands for. It would be like Congress Minister Shashi Tharoor writing a book critical of Jawaharlal Lal Nehru. Sonia Gandhi would sack him the next day. Perhaps, you should have written the book after you retired from active politics.
Jaswant Singh: At that time it did seem like a good idea. You know, sometimes we politicians do lose touch with reality.

Techgirl: What will you do now that the BJP Party has sacked you for praising Jinnah in our book ‘Jinnah –India, Partition, Independence’?
Jaswant Singh: My publishers have asked me to do at least 4-5 interviews every day criticizing BJP and subtly promoting my book. I will be doing that for another 2 weeks after which the media will move on to the next drama.

Techgirl: What do you plan to do after 2 weeks?
Jaswant: As you know, as long as Vajpayeeji was around I had a good stint in the BJP. As I have no political base, I was totally dependant on him. Now, I will have to get a real job. Can I get a job as an Agent in either Genpact or Quatrro?

Techgirl: Pramod Bhasin heads Genpact. Raman Roy heads Quattro. Both take all the decisions in their companies. Why do you want to work as an Agent only for Genpact or Quatrro?
Jaswant: After doing all these media interviews, I have just realized that I can talk. And talk. And talk. And some more. Isn’t that what out bound Agents do?

Techgirl: It’s a hard job. You have to work long hours, be patient and diplomatic and know when to ‘close the deal’ as an outcalling Agent. And your team leader is always breathing down your back.
Jaswant: Can do. Will do. I can also bring other things to whichever BPO I join. I have the entire BJP mailing list. Imagine, how many ‘sales’ we have here. I am quite used to Team Leaders breathing down my neck. Remember RSS is the Team Leader for Agent BJP.

Techgirl: What else can you bring to the job at Genpact or Quattro?
Jaswant: If any of the BPO Agents are taken hostage anywhere in the world, I can escort money/exchange prisoners on a plane. You may have forgotten that I flew to Kandahar, Afghanistan in 1999 to exchange terrorists for Indians on our hijacked plane.

Techgirl: But why do you only want to work for Pramod Bhasin and Raman Roy?
Jaswant: I have lots of experience working with men who have personalities like Pramod and Raman. I think Raman is like Vajpayeeji – intelligent, well spoken, cultured and kind. I am told that Pramod is like LK Advani – firm but fair. I am also told that Pramod is a team player like Vajpayeeji and LK Advani

Techgirl: I can speak to Pramod and Raman to see if they can give you a job. But no guarantees that you will get an air-con cab pick up and drop off.
Jaswant: Before you ask Pramod and Raman a favour, I would like to clarify one thing. Do you think they would mind if while working as an Agent, I published a book detailing the power struggle between two great leaders and how one went and set up his own country?

Techgirl: You mean like that in your current book where you have said there was a power struggle between Nehru and Jinnah. Also, ideological differences between a central control versus federal set up. Nehru wanted a strong centre while Jinnah wanted a loose federation so Muslims could control their own destiny. Who are these two other leaders you want to write about?
Jaswant: I have heard that when Pramod Bhasin started Genpact BPO for General Electric, his first employee was Raman Roy. But Raman Roy left Genpact in 2000 to form Spectramind and now Quatrro. I should write a book about the power struggle between Pramod and Raman because of which Raman left. Do you think it is a good idea? Both are labeled as ‘Fathers of the Indian BPO industry’, have made millions and are powerful figures in NASSCOM.

Techgirl: Jaswant, you don’t get it. If you work for Pramod or Raman and you write such a book, you will be sacked even before you can say BJP. That is how the world works. On second thoughts, I will not recommend you for an Agents job. Good night.
Jaswant: Techgirl, stop being so rude. You sound as if you have some RSS sympathies. Good night. I think I am just having a bad month.

Pramod Bhasin: Minister was okay to pet Tiger

2009-08-17T18:17:00.002+05:30

NASSCOM: Farah Khan should not call men dogs

2009-08-10T21:59:00.003+05:30

Hello, my name is techgirl. My day job is writing about business and technology for one of India’s leading media houses. You might find it very hard to believe that sometimes I cannot write what is really happening in the Indian tech world. My Editor is ‘close friends’ with half the tech moguls in India. Our advertising department is even closer to these tech companies. So, we write only positive feel good stories about the Indian IT, BPO and KPO sectors. My Chief Reporter is a true believer who tells me that it is ‘disloyal’ to India to publish anything negative about India. Ms Chief Reporter feels that the sexual harassment case against Infosys was a conspiracy by America’s Silicon Valley to prevent more jobs outsourced to the best and brightest in Bangalore.

Sadly, this has resulted in senior managers and my close friends in TCS, Infosys, Genpact, Satyam etc not given a chance to tell Indians what they really feel. These CEO’s ring me at night and pour their heart out. I will use this blog to tell Indians what their bosses really feel. Sometimes, I am half asleep am not sure what they really want to say. But as an Indian journalist that has never stopped me giving the facts from my sleepy recollection of events.

I am still looking for sponsors. Trashgoss (aka Techgoss) has just bought my blog and will pay me to write satire. Suckers! After working in the tech media for many years, I am open to any sponsorship ‘opportunities’.

Early, August, 2009, Director Farah Khan made the comment ‘men are dogs but not faithful’ on bad doggie Salman Khan’s show ‘Dus Ka Dum’. A Chembur businessman ‘hurt’ on behalf of Indian men has filed a complaint with the Social Services Branch. (The YouTube video above has his interview and what Farah said on the TV show).

I agree with Farah that men are like dogs. Some are strong, protective like German Sheppard’s, some ugly but strong like boxers and some become cute Pomeranians after they get married. All depends on how we ‘she dogs’ treat them. Sadly, some will always be stray dogs.

For those who don’t know Farah Khan, she started as a choreographer for Bollywood hits like Love Story, Dilwale Dulhnaiya Le Jaayenge and even Monsoon Wedding. She directed and choreographed the super hit ‘Om Shanti Om’. Farah has got what you call a healthy ego – every now and then she says something publicly to be the centre of attraction. (Bit like the senior managers in the IT, BPO and KPO industry)

For some reason, NASSCOM which is the apex body of our IT/BPO sectors has taken umbrage at what Farah Khan said. They have issued the following press release to Indian media.

“
From the Offices of NASSCOM.

Time of issue: 11 am. (Because no one works after 1 pm)

It has been brought to our attention that Bollywood Director Farah Khan said: “Men are like dogs but they are not faithful’ on Salman Khan’s TV show.

NASSCOM would like to make it clear that if Farah Khan was referring to Salman Khan, she is right. Salman Khan has behaved like a dog sometimes. Katrina Kaif may not agree with NASSCOM, but we always tell the truth.

But we object if Farah Khan was referring to the men who work in India’s IT, BPO and KPO industry and are NASSCOM members.

NASSCOM would like to assure Farah Khan that the male IT, BPO and KPO CEOs, CFO’s and Directors are men of honesty, integrity and sexual loyalty. If this was 1940, each of these CEO’s would have joined Gandhiji is his celibate quest for freedom and higher values.

NASSCOM would like to assure Farah and we have personally checked the background of the male CEO’s who head our IT, BPO and KPO industries and NOT one of them has had an extra marital affair. All the men who head our biggest IT and BPO companies always ensure that there is another person in the room when they have to ‘counsel’ women in subordinate positions. No friendly pats and no ‘official’ trips out of station. Never.

NASSCOM would like to assure Farah that we have checked all the HR records and are very confident that no girl has been hired in our tech sector based on her looks. Starting from Team Leaders, Managers to CEO’s, these men have only hired women based on merit. Looks and what she was wearing have NEVER been a factor.

Every man in our industry has been trained to be gender sensitive and have ‘female friendly’ policies.

Sure, Infosys has been winning the Nasscom award for gender inclusion for the second consecutive year, but in reality it does not have any women in really senior position. We can assure you that Infosys is really trying hard. A few years back, Infosys was accused of protecting a senior executive who was sued for sexual harassment. NASSCOM has investigated and we can assure you this Infosys executive was only being ‘friendly’. We don’t know why Infosys ‘let him go’ because he was innocent.

Sure, most of our Public Relations departments are staffed by pretty, attractive women but that is only because they can do the job. It has nothing to do with the fact that most male tech journalists are men.

Sure, Neelam has been the only female who has made it to the top of one of our top 10 IT companies, but we are trying. BPO’s have been better having promoted women like Anju and Radhika to meaningful management roles. The NASSCOM heart is pure even if we are slow sometimes

NASSCOM asks all men in the IT/BPO industry to chant mantra: “Don’t look, don’t touch. Purity of mind leads of purity of work”

Any woman who calls men dogs has never worked in the outsourcing industry. We don’t have dogs, only cute puppies

Signed
NASSCOM on behalf of its male members.
(All female members were too busy to sign this. At least that’s what they told us)
“

After reading the above NASSCOM press release, I realized that even though NASSCOM is predominantly male, they do care for us women. And as I keep telling my girlfriends: “If men can be dogs, we can be bitches sometimes”.

Meow, Farah Khan. Back off.

Rakhi Sawant: I have a crush on TCS boss Ramadorai

2009-08-04T21:32:00.002+05:30

Hello, my name is techgirl. My day job is writing about business and technology for one of India’s leading media houses. You might find it very hard to believe that sometimes I cannot write what is really happening in the Indian tech world. My Editor is ‘close friends’ with half the tech moguls in India. Our advertising department is even closer to these tech companies. So, we write only positive feel good stories about the Indian IT, BPO and KPO sectors. My Chief Reporter is a true believer who tells me that it is ‘disloyal’ to India to publish anything negative about India. Ms Chief Reporter feels that the sexual harassment case against Infosys was a conspiracy by America’s Silicon Valley to prevent more jobs outsourced to the best and brightest in Bangalore.

Sadly, this has resulted in senior managers and my close friends in TCS, Infosys, Genpact, Satyam etc not given a chance to tell Indians what they really feel. These CEO’s ring me at night and pour their heart out. I will use this blog to tell Indians what their bosses really feel. Sometimes, I am half asleep am not sure what they really want to say. But as an Indian journalist that has never stopped me giving the facts from my sleepy recollection of events.

I am still looking for sponsors. Trashgoss (aka Techgoss) has just bought my blog and will pay me to write satire. Suckers! After working in the tech media for many years, I am open to any sponsorship ‘opportunities’.

The phone rang. It was my BBF (Best Bollywood Friend) Rakhi Sawant. I hadn’t spoken to her since she got engaged to NRI businessman Elesh Parunjwala on NDTV’s Swayamvar reality show. Rakhi did ring me every time she ‘eliminated’ one of her suitors and we both had a giggle at how most men on the show wanted only one thing – more airtime.

Rakhi Sawant: Hi Techgirl. Will you come for my wedding?
Techgirl: Does that mean you never want to meet me again?

(Both of us giggled as we knew that she would never get married. Item girls and Tech girls never get married)

Rakhi Sawant: Can we talk Girl to Girl. Or woman to woman.
Techgirl: Sure, lets talk girl to Techgirl

(Both of us giggled as this has been a long standing joke between us).

Rakhi Sawant: Well, I am not really in love with Elesh.
Techgirl: Why am I not surprised? Most of these NRI’s don’t have jobs these days. The money is in India and China.

Rakhi Sawant: I know our GDP will grow at 7 percent this year and that is why I will never leave India. But it has got nothing to do with money. As long as we have Manmohan and Montek, we will have a strong, sustained rhythmic growth. There is nothing soft about the way these men run the economy.
Techgirl: WTF? I thought you were on NDTV only for the money.

Rakhi Sawant: Actually, I think I have a crush on TCS CEO Ramadorai. I prefer older mature men. This way I will get a nice guy as well as money. You do know that TCS pays him crores.
Techgirl: Yup, I do. But I did not know you like the IT/BPO types. The only thing that excites them is new software.

Rakhi Sawant: Last night, I was lying in bed when my fiancée Elesh rang. But my mind was elsewhere and I never answered the phone. I was thinking I was in a Swayamvar with 3 Tech CEO’s
Techgirl: Who? And what happened?

Rakhi Sawant: I dreamt that I was walking in my sexy sari and 10 tonnes of jewellery towards the 3 Tech CEOs on Stage. TCS CEO S. Ramadorai was wearing a very elegant lungi like Home Minister Chidambaram. Infosys HR boss, Mohandas Pai was in a western suit and HCL CEO Vineet Nayar was wearing a smart Sherwani. All attractive men with bulging pockets. I was in Item Girl heaven.
Techgirl: But aren’t they all happily married?

Rakhi Sawant: Not that it matters. But that is the first question I asked them: Aren’t all 3 of you married?
Techgirl: What did they say?

Rakhi Sawant: All of them said as one: “If Haryana Deputy Chief Minister can change his name to Chand to marry Firza, so can we.
From today, I am Chand Ramadorai
From today, I am Chand Pai
From today, I am Chand Nayar

I then asked them if they were nice guys
TCS CEO Ramadorai: (with his million dollar smile) My freshers do not call me Daddy CEO for nothing. Our freshers get the highest salaries and best perks. No one is allowed to work more than 9 hours a day. And we work only 5 days a week.
Infosys HR boss Pai: (oozing sincerity) I am so nice that I never sack any ‘non performers’
HCL CEO Vineet Nayar: (looks straight into my eyes) I am so nice that I order 2 pizzas for every HCL employee every day.

I then zoomed in with the hard questions and rejections.
Infosys HR boss Pai, I will have to reject you as you have sacked thousands of youngsters and labeled them ‘non-performers’. You are a good looking man, but I need a man with a heart.
HCL CEO Vineet Nayar, You have classical Pathan good looks. You are a nice man. But you have a bit of a temper sometimes. Recently, you threatened to sue my friend Techgirl for which I can never forgive you.
TCS CEO Ramadorai, you are the man for me. You have everything an Item girl like me can want. You even have this thick Punjabi accent. How will you treat me?

TCS CEO Ramadorai: I will treat you with lots of love and respect just the way TCS treats its freshers. I will consult you on every major decision just the way TCS Team Leaders do with juniors. If you perform the household duties well, I may even get you an H1B Visa to work in a TCS Project in USA. The only bench you will sit on is with me on the beach at the beach.
Rakhi Sawant: You are so nice. So, when will I get my letter of appointment? I mean Letter of Marriage.
TCS CEO Ramadorai: Whose talking of marriage? I only want an engagement at this point in time. In TCS, we only give ‘permanent’ status after freshers have gone through a probationary period of 6 months.

Techgirl: So what will you do Rakhi? Will you accept the TCS offer?
Rakhi Sawant: I was about to marry Mr. TCS himself. Then I noticed that good looking man walk in with a book ‘Imagining India’ in his hand and surrounded by black cat commandos. At that point in time, I stopped having ‘feelings’ for Ramadorai and developed a crush on Nandan Nilekani. Which girl can resist those dark, brooding eyes? And Nandan is so cool, he even had a profile on Twitter.

Techgirl: You are incorrigible. You fall in and out of love as quickly as a ‘non performing’ TCS Junior changes project
Rakhi Sawant: I have to go now. I better sell this ‘Tech Swayamvar’ to NDTV before someone else does.

Nandan Nilekani: PM Manmohan has benched me

2009-08-03T20:36:00.004+05:30

Hello, my name is techgirl. My day job is writing about business and technology for one of India’s leading media houses. You might find it very hard to believe that sometimes I cannot write what is really happening in the Indian tech world. My Editor is ‘close friends’ with half the tech moguls in India. Our advertising department is even closer to these tech companies. So, we write only positive feel good stories about the Indian IT, BPO and KPO sectors. My Chief Reporter is a true believer who tells me that it is ‘disloyal’ to India to publish anything negative about India. Ms Chief Reporter feels that the sexual harassment case against Infosys was a conspiracy by America’s Silicon Valley to prevent more jobs outsourced to the best and brightest in Bangalore.

Sadly, this has resulted in senior managers and my close friends in TCS, Infosys, Genpact, Satyam etc not given a chance to tell Indians what they really feel. These CEO’s ring me at night and pour their heart out. I will use this blog to tell Indians what their bosses really feel. Sometimes, I am half asleep am not sure what they really want to say. But as an Indian journalist that has never stopped me giving the facts from my sleepy recollection of events.

I am still looking for sponsors. Trashgoss (aka Techgoss) has just bought my blog and will pay me to write satire. Suckers! After working in the tech media for many years, I am open to any sponsorship ‘opportunities’.

By now every Indian has heard about how Infosys co-founder Nandan Nilekani has given up earning more millions by resigning from the tech company to head the Government’s Unique Identification Project (UID) Project.

Like me, one of my friends ‘Smart Magpie’ is close friends with all the movers and shakers in the tech industry. My friend ‘Smart Magpie’ rubs shoulders with all the key players in the IT-BPO world. Some friends have given Magpie a colour, but I prefer the prefix ‘Smart’ because that’s what he is.

‘Smart Magpie’ got his hands on this email where Nandan Nilekani describes his first day in Parliament. As you can see from Nandan’s description below, he was clearly frustrated at the politicians and babus in the Indian Parliament.

“
The House was in pin drop silence. I was brimming with anticipation and excitement!!!! Prime Minister Manmohan Singh had informed me that my introduction was one of the important points of the agenda. I hoped that I will be able to make my speech properly. After so many interviews and conferences, I was nervous today!!!! After the Speaker indicated that the proceedings of the House could begin, Manmohan formally introduced me to the entire House. He mentioned that as the head of the Unique Identification Authority of India, I was responsible to ensure that each and every Indian had a digital smart card as a proof of his existence.

Manmohan spoke about why I was selected and also some references to the various projects executed by me in Infosys were mentioned. The House listened with rapt attention. I was asked to say a few words and I did exactly the same!!! I thanked the Government of India for having given me this opportunity and I assured the House that I would strive to successfully deliver this project. The Speaker then formally inducted me into the House and before the proceedings could move any forward, there was a small commotion on the other side of the hall.

It was Minister of Textiles who had a comment to make before the next point on the agenda. He made a request that I should be attired in a more austere way instead of a flashy suit. It did not go well with the image of a minister who should live to serve the common man and should be less ostentatious in his habits. I stood up to reply. I offered my apologies to the Honourable Minister and assured that I shall be in amore acceptable dress next time. I felt that he was right. We also used to have corporate dress code in Infosys. So it's here as well!!!!

I sat down and felt somebody nudging me. I turned around and to my surprise; it was the former Indian skipper and one of my favourite batsmen Mohd. Azharuddin. I remembered that he had recently won the elections. I smiled at him and mentioned to him that I used to like his game very much, shaking his hand. No Rolex, I noticed. Azhar told me that he would "fix" me an appointment with an Italian designer who had designed his dapper Kurta suit. An Italian designer in Milan doing Kurtas!!!!! I made a note of this and reminded myself to give this example to Friedman for his next book," The World Markets are flattened".

Since there was no doubt about the "Fixational" capacities of Azhar, I told him to give me the details and I would consider. The proceedings of the House went on with numerous bills being debated and passed as I sat as a passive audience waiting for my project's turn to come up. After the lunch break, it was the moment for me!!!!

MY PROJECT"S FIRST REVIEW CAME UP FOR PRESENTATION.

I was at sea. My laptop did not have any reserve power. I went to Manmohan and apprised him of the situation. I was sweating. He calmly replied that this would not be a cause of concern. I was flummoxed!!!!The Speaker asked me to explain to the House on what were my plans for the Unique Identity Project. I replied that I have a plan prepared for30-60-90-120 days' milestones and I have presentation to make for which I need a power socket, a projector and a screen. I had no idea what was going to happen after this.

The next couple of minutes were a complete jolt for me. I was completely in a tizzy. Let me just summarize what happened. A Joint Cabinet Secretary Committee was set up to judge the feasibility of my request. The Under Secretaries for the Ministries of Power, IT and Broadcasting will prepare a Viability Report after scrutinizing National Security threats to my request. This was because the power socket comes under Power, laptop comes under IT and projector comes under Broadcasting. I have also been told to reconsider my timelines of 30-60-90 days and start thinking in terms of years. Probably, they are right. I did not have the foresight in this matter.

The summary of the issue is that I need to come up with a more inclusive, democratic, comprehensive long term plan for this project to be executed over the next five years. I have also been given a presentation slot 3 months from now (by which the issues related to the power cord etc will also be resolved). I am filled with mixed reactions. I was planning for a quick resolution; the management wants a strategic solution. I come out of the House and texted my Infosys co-founder Nayarana Murthy.

"You won't believe it but these guys work just like us. I am on a NATIONAL BENCH for the next three months!!!!!!!!"
“

Bill Gates: NASSCOM begged me for more H1B Visas

2009-07-28T21:39:00.002+05:30

Hello, my name is techgirl. My day job is writing about business and technology for one of India’s leading media houses. You might find it very hard to believe that sometimes I cannot write what is really happening in the Indian tech world. My Editor is ‘close friends’ with half the tech moguls in India. Our advertising department is even closer to these tech companies. So, we write only positive feel good stories about the Indian IT, BPO and KPO sectors. My Chief Reporter is a true believer who tells me that it is ‘disloyal’ to India to publish anything negative about India. Ms Chief Reporter feels that the sexual harassment case against Infosys was a conspiracy by America’s Silicon Valley to prevent more jobs outsourced to the best and brightest in Bangalore.

Sadly, this has resulted in senior managers and my close friends in TCS, Infosys, Genpact, Satyam etc not given a chance to tell Indians what they really feel. These CEO’s ring me at night and pour their heart out. I will use this blog to tell Indians what their bosses really feel. Sometimes, I am half asleep am not sure what they really want to say. But as an Indian journalist that has never stopped me giving the facts from my sleepy recollection of events.

I am still looking for sponsors. Trashgoss (aka Techgoss) has just bought my blog and will pay me to write satire. Suckers! After working in the tech media for many years, I am open to any sponsorship ‘opportunities’.

The phone rang. It was Bill Gates

Bill Gates: (with his American Twang) Howde Techgirl!
Techgirl: Billionaire Bill, what is the Microsoft founder doing in India?

Bill Gates: Techgirl, My life is the same. Doing some business. Then some social work. Back to business. It all blends in together. Sometimes, it is hard to know what business is and what social work is.
Techgirl: You were in India to accept some award for social work.

Bill Gates: Actually, I was here to lobby Nandan Nilekani so that Microsoft can get a share of UID Business. The Indira Gandhi award was secondary and of no consequence.
Techgirl: Yes, I wrote about it in techgoss.

Bill Gates: Your NASSCOM guys have a one track min. I thought Americans can be shameless salesmen, but NASSCOM could teach us a trick or two. They wanted more H1B Working Visas and wanted me to speak to Obama, Clinton and anyone who could help.
Techgirl: How did NASSCOM lobby you?

Bill Gates: It was all a big set up. I landed at Delhi Airport where my driver picked me up to take me to Taj. As the car stopped at the first red light, out comes a beggar and knocks on my Window. As your economy has improved, I give every beggar Rs. 10 and a copy of Vista operating system.

The beggar took the Rs. 10, returned the Vista and shouted: “If your country gave us a few more H1B Work Visas, I would not be doing this. By the way, I hope Windows 7 is not another Vista”.

Once I reach the hotel, I had a shower and then made my way to the NASSCOM meet to welcome me.

I walk into the NASSCOM conference hall and I see two photos. The first photo frame had President Bush wearing a red spot on his head. This photo was garlanded with fresh flowers. The next photo frame was cracked and had an image of President Obama garlanded with old shoes. When I queried NASSCOM President Som Mittal, he said Indians hated Obama because he had tightened rules of H1B Visas while Bush loved Indian workers.

On the Stage there was a huge banner which said: ‘Indians love America. Even more than Pakistanis love America’.

Then Som jumped on stage and made a speech about how much NASSCOM loved all things America. Both countries were democracies. Blah Blah. Both understood technology. Blah Blah. Both only used Indian workers (huge guffaws from the NASSCOM members). Som then dedicated the NASSCOM cultural program to his ‘American friends’.

The first act was all of the NASSCOM office bearers joining hands to do a Moon Dance in memory of Honorary Indian Michael Jackson. The first time I had seen it being done in Indian Kurta Pyjamas and Kolapuris.

Next, everyone left the stage except for Pramod Bhasin. Pramod grabbed the mike and soulfully sung: “God bless America ..”. It brought tears in my eyes. I never knew that Indians loved America more than we did. Thunderous applause when Pramod finished the song. All I could see were a sear of American flags being waved by Indians. Pramod reminds me so much of Steve Ballmer.

Then, all the NASSCOM members got back on stage and sung two Hindu songs with an H1B Visa theme.

The first was from some movie New York and went like this

“
lagta hai aajkal daur apna aayega …
yaaron jo khud pe ho yakeen
toh H1B Visa kal bulayega

yaaron jee bhar ke jee le pal
lagta hai aajkal daur apna aayega …
yaaron jo khud pe ho yakeen
toh H1B Visa kal bulayega

hai junoon …
hai junoon sa jeene mai
(sa jeene mai)
hai junoon …
hai junoon sa H1B mai
hai junoon …
hai junoon sa jeene mai
(sa jeene mai)
hai junoon …
hai junoon sa H1B mai
(hai junoon sa America Visa mai)
….
“

I was weeping like a Vista user when I heard this Indian song about New York. The next song was even more emotional as it was an adaptation from my favourite Indian movie Slumdog Techie.

“
jai ho… jai ho…
H1B ho… H1B ho…

aaja aaja jind shamiyane ke tale aaja
H1B Visa waale nile aasman ke tale
jai ho… jai ho…
aaja aaja jind shamiyane ke tale aaja
H1B Visa waale nile aasman ke tale
jai ho… jai ho…

jai ho.. jai ho..
H1B ho.. H1B ho..
jai ho.. jai ho..
H1B ho.. H1B ho..

ratti ratti sachi maine jaan gavayi hai
nach nach koylo pe raat bitayee hai
ankhiyon ki neend maine phoonko se udaa di
H1B Visa ki leya maine ungli jalayi hai

aaja aaja jind shamiyane ke tale aaja
H1B waale nile aasman ke tale
jai ho… jai ho…
H1B ho… H1B ho…
……
“

By this time, I was crying like an American worker whose job had been outsourced to India. The Slumdog song always gets me. By this time I wanted to get more H1B Working Visas for my fellow Indians.

Techgirl: That is so nice. What do you plan to do?
Bill Gates: Sack a few more of my American employees in USA and hire more Indians on working Visas. It is a win win situation.

Techgirl: Good night Bill. Have a safe journey home.

Pramod Bhasin: Frisk me. Continental Airlines

2009-07-24T10:14:00.003+05:30

Narayana Murthy: Salee, Techgirl. I want to hit John Buchanan

2009-07-21T19:15:00.003+05:30

Pramod Bhasin: Back off Delhi Chief Minister Sheila Dixit. Back off

2009-07-16T18:52:00.002+05:30

Sudhir Agarwal: President Obama disgusts me

2009-07-13T16:45:00.004+05:30

TCS boss S. Ramadorai: I only wanted to play tennis with Sania

2009-07-10T17:46:00.001+05:30

Nandan Nilekani: I swallow, slurp and spit on the UID budget

2009-07-06T19:56:00.001+05:30

Sudhir Agarwal: I did not know that India had gay people

2009-07-04T09:17:00.002+05:30

Hello, my name is techgirl. My day job is writing about business and technology for one of India’s leading media houses. You might find it very hard to believe that sometimes I cannot write what is really happening in the Indian tech world. My Editor is ‘close friends’ with half the tech moguls in India. Our advertising department is even closer to these tech companies. So, we write only positive feel good stories about the Indian IT, BPO and KPO sectors. My Chief Reporter is a true believer who tells me that it is ‘disloyal’ to India to publish anything negative about India. Ms Chief Reporter feels that the sexual harassment case against Infosys was a conspiracy by America’s Silicon Valley to prevent more jobs outsourced to the best and brightest in Bangalore.

Sadly, this has resulted in senior managers and my close friends in TCS, Infosys, Genpact, Satyam etc not given a chance to tell Indians what they really feel. These CEO’s ring me at night and pour their heart out. I will use this blog to tell Indians what their bosses really feel. Sometimes, I am half asleep am not sure what they really want to say. But as an Indian journalist that has never stopped me giving the facts from my sleepy recollection of events.

I am still looking for sponsors. Trashgoss (aka Techgoss) has just bought my blog and will pay me to write satire. Suckers! After working in the tech media for many years, I am open to any sponsorship ‘opportunities’.

The phone rang at 6 am in the morning. Early in the morning or night means it could only be Sudhir Agarwal from Aegis BPO. Sudhir is a real nice guy. He does Puja at 10 pm and then goes to bed. Up at 5 am and starts the day with an hour long Puja.

This ring tone was that I had selected for Sudhir.

“Om Namoo Shiva ..”

As readers of my blog will know, Sudhir Agarwal has the moral DNA and values of Narayana Murthy and the calm temperament of Sachin Tendulkar. In the Aegis offices, he is known as the ‘Peace maker’ – a man who never loses his temper and is a calming, soothing influence on junior staff. Some swear, they have seen a halo around his head. One Team Leader tells friends that Sudhir told her that he shuns money and power and given a choice would rather serve the poor and homeless in California.

Sudhir Agarwal: Namaste, Sister Techgirl.
Techgirl: (Yawn) Good morning. What’s up Sudhir? Why are you calling at 6 am. You know I never get up before 9 am. And please don’t call me Sister.

Sudhir Agarwal: Okay sister. Will stop calling you sister. I just have this sweet habit of calling most women sisters.
Techgirl: What’s happening Sudhir?

Sudhir Agarwal: I had just done a Havan last night and a Surya Namaskar this morning and so feel pure enough to discuss this filthy topic
Techgirl: What happened Man?

Sudhir Agarwal: On Wednesday, July 2, I was chewing a Banarasi paan and walking near Delhi High Court when I saw the saddest looking Indians on the pavement. They had colorful flags and clothes but they were tense. They were sad and fearful. My heart went out to them.
Techgirl: Who were they? What did you do?

Sudhir Agarwal: As you know, I am known as the ‘Peace maker’ at Aegis. Wherever I see sad, tense and fearful people, I want to help. Sometimes, only a loving hug and a kind word is enough. So, I walked up to this group of young men and women and started hugging them and whispering in their ears: “Everything will be all right. Leave it to biggest CEO ie. God. If there is anything I can do to help, just let me know. If you want a job, Aegis is looking for outbound Agents”.
Techgirl: That is so sweet. You are so innocent. Just going and hugging people you have just met. What happened then?

Sudhir Agarwal: One of the girls asked me which LGBT organization I was a member of.
Techgirl: What did you say?

Sudhir Agarwal: I told her: “Sister, is LGBT an IT company or BPO. Is it a member of NASSCOM”. The girl looked at me as if not understanding. She just said: “Only if all men were as nice as you”.
Techgirl: Sudhir, Do you know that LGBT stands for Lesbians, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender?

Sudhir Agarwal: Chee, chee, chee. Actually, I did not. But I soon realized something was not quite right.
Techgirl: How? Why?

Sudhir Agarwal: After I had finished giving a friendly brotherly hug to all the girls outside the Delhi High Court, I started doing the same with all the men. You know me, I see people as human beings not men or women.
Techgirl: You started hugging all the gay men outside the Delhi High Court!!!!

Sudhir Agarwal: It was just an innocent hug. But I knew something was wrong when the men lingered their hug and would not let go. I was confused and scared. Was my friendly hug being misconstrued? Within minutes, someone ran out from the Court saying the Judges have repealed Section 377 which criminalized homosexuality. Suddenly all the tense faces broke into smiles. They started shouting: “We are queer and proud”. Then I realized for the first time that India also had gay people. It was a shock.
Techgirl: What did you do?

Sudhir Agarwal: I just stood there is shock. From nowhere, media people appeared clicking photographs of the people assembled outside the Delhi High Court. Still in a daze at seeing gay people for the first time in my life, I spat out my Banarasi paan and held my Kolhapur chappals in hand and ran for a three wheeler to take me back to the safety of the Aegis Offices.
Techgirl: It’s okay. Half my friends are gay. There are just like you and me.

Sudhir Agarwal: Hmm. Sister, not everyone can be as liberal as you. But I am certainly a wiser person now. For the first time I understood what I was really seeing when I first saw a few men from NASSCOM holding hands while going into their hotel rooms. Now, I know why so many men are on top at many IT companies. I am praying for everyone. God is an ocean of forgiveness. I did a havan yesterday and a few more pujas should cleanse India.
Techgirl: Sudhir, got to go. Another call on my line.

(I picked up my landline.)

Pramod Bhasin: (Yippee) I am King of the world. Am I good or what?
Techgirl: Hi Pramod, what’s up?

Pramod Bhasin: You known that I am the best strategist in the world. Because of my ability to think ahead, Genpact is the No. 1 BPO in India. I am the ideas person while people like Raman Roy just implement my vision.
Techgirl: That’s true. You are the best. But Raman Roy is cool as well. People say without his steadying influence you would even be looking at starting BPO’s in Antarctica.

Pramod Bhasin: I have another brilliant idea. I will start GAYPACT.
Techgirl: What??. You mean Genpact?

Pramod Bhasin: No, I mean Gaypact. The Delhi Court has just decriminalized homosexual sex. But it will take the public another 5 years to accept them into the fold. So, I have a window of 5 years to harness the creative energies of this group of people. I am going to start GAYPACT BPO where you can only join if you are gay. I can already see all the American gay friendly companies lining up to gaysource to Gaypact. It is a win win situation. I am the King of the world.
Techgirl: Brilliant idea. Good night.

(P.S: The photo in this blog is stolen from the internet. Techgoss are cheapskates and do not pay me much. So, what do you expect?)

Pramod Bhasin: Bank manager slap a media beat-up

2009-07-01T17:30:00.002+05:30

Infosys HR Head: Why Nandan was ‘Let Go’

2009-06-26T20:04:00.000+05:30

Narayana Murthy: Salee Techgirl, Customs stopped me

2009-06-22T20:20:00.004+05:30

Sudhir Agarwal: Shiney Ahuja is innocent

2009-06-18T09:48:00.002+05:30

Genpact boss Pramod Bhasin on Raman Roy

2009-06-14T20:17:00.003+05:30

Hello, my name is techgirl. My day job is writing about business and technology for one of India’s leading media houses. You might find it very hard to believe that sometimes I cannot write what is really happening in the Indian tech world. My Editor is ‘close friends’ with half the tech moguls in India. Our advertising department is even closer to these tech companies. So, we write only positive feel good stories about the Indian IT, BPO and KPO sectors. My Chief Reporter is a true believer who tells me that it is ‘disloyal’ to India to publish anything negative about India. Ms Chief Reporter feels that the sexual harassment case against Infosys was a conspiracy by America’s Silicon Valley to prevent more jobs outsourced to the best and brightest in Bangalore.

Sadly, this has resulted in senior managers and my close friends in TCS, Infosys, Genpact, Satyman etc not given a chance to tell Indians what they really feel. These CEO’s ring me at night and pour their heart out. I will use this blog to tell Indians what their bosses really feel. Sometimes, I am half asleep am not sure what they really want to say. But as an Indian journalist that has never stopped me giving the facts from my sleepy recollection of events.

I am still looking for sponsors. Trashgoss (aka Techgoss) has just bought my blog and will pay me to write satire. Suckers! After working in the tech media for many years, I am open to any sponsorship ‘opportunities’.

I know your first question will be why I have not posted anything in this blog for a few months. I owe you an explanation. It was because I was heartbroken. Regular readers of this blog will know I have a crush on Genpact boss and NASSCOM Chairman Pramod Bhasin. He never reciprocated my girlie crush in any shape or form, but he did ring me once in a while. Then Pramod Bhasin stopped ringing. A crushed Techgirl lost her will to live and to blog.

All that changed last night. While I was giving brushing my hair before getting to bed, the mobile phone rang. This ring tone was that I had selected for Pramod.

“Sare BPO’s se accha Genpact hamara, Ham Agent hai is ki, Ye Process hamara…”

Hearing the ring tone, my heart starting beating faster. Should I pick up the phone or ignore Pramod Bhasin? Should I have a short conversation or talk for a long time? Should I hurt Pramod Bhasin by praising his arch rival and co-father of the BPO industry and current Quattro boss, Raman Roy? My mind was moving fasher than Dhoni's management team selling him to sponsors.

Much against my better judgment, I answered my phone

Pramod Bhasin: Hi Techgirl, long time no talk. What is happening?

Techgirl (feigning nonchalance): Everything is well. Watching a lot of T20 cricket these days. How are things with you?

Pramod Bhasin: Not a very good year. Looks like most of my time will be spent in boring meetings. Productivity will fall and no one is sure what they are doing. In my offices, no one does anything but talk and talk. Nothing has and will be achieved this year. Future is looking very bleak.

Techgirl: I am sorry, I don’t understand. Your BPO Genpact has done well this year. Are you saying that this global economic recession has resulted in Indian BPO’s being paralyzed with fear.

Pramod Bhasin: Techgirl, you are so dumb, you will never get a job as an Agent in Genpact. Perhaps a Team Leader but never as an Agent as they do the real work. I was not talking about Genpact, I was speaking about NASSCOM.

I have recently become the Chairman of NASSCOM, and realized that they do nothing except have boring meetings. And everyone goes for junkets.

Techgirl: (Trying to make Pramod jealous). Pramod, did you see the recent IPL cricket games in South Africa?

Pramod Bhasin: Did I? I love cricket. I have 5 massive TV screens in my office. All five were tuned to IPL. If anyone knocked on my door, one button on my gold plated remote control ensured each of the 5 TV channels switched to news and money channels like BBC, Times and Network 18. As soon as the person left, it was back to watching cricket.

As you know, most Indian CEO’s do not do any real work.

Techgirl: Did you see your ex-colleague Raman Roy in the Dell advertisement during IPL. Many people say that Raman Roy is the real reason why Genpact succeeded. Raman has done so much better than you. He has made hundreds of crores by starting his own companies, while you have always stuck to Genpact like Pranab Mukerji to Congress. (I wanted to make Pramod jealous because he had not rung me for a long time. Pramod hates Raman Roy because Raman is not only a very successful man, he is also Mr. Nice. Pramod, on the other hand, has a temper).

Pramod Bhasin: (Voice going all testy): I do remember having a fleeting glance of Raman Roy starring in ads during IPL. But I thought it was for Dominoes Pizzas rather than Dell computers.

Techgirl (Quickly changing the topic): What do you think of the recent elections? And Rahul Gandhi refusing a Cabinet post in the new Manmohan Singh Government.

Pramod Bhasin: To tell you the truth, none of us could predict that Congress would be returned with such a huge majority. If you see the news interviews of all the IT and BPO CEO’s we always hummed and hawed and tried to sound intelligent, but had no idea who would form a Government.

I cannot understand why Rahul Gandhi refuses to be part of a team lead by an honest, brilliant leader with the Midas touch. This is not the first time Rahul has refused a once in a lifetime offer. Last year, he refused my offer to become an Agent at Genpact. I promised him that I would not give him a midnight process and a taxi would pick him up and drop him home. The taxi would be air conned unliked what is given to other Agents. But Rahul politely declined. I really don’t know what the boy wants to do in life. No discipline for this young generation. They always want to do their own thing.

I am a bit wary of politicians working in Genpact though. When Mayawati was in opposition, she needed funds and so moon lighted as a Team Leader in Genpact. Mayawati is a quite a fire cracker. First, she fought with the Genpact HR Department because she only wanted to recruit Dalits. I had to let her go due to her insistence that even as a Team Leader, she wanted to sit in our Board meetings. Naturally, I could not tell Mayawati that she was fired, but we politely told her that she was put on full pay and put on the virtual bench in our offices in Uttar Pradesh.

Techgirl: Good night, Pramod. Talk later

Hotmail ‘Hot bride’ photo

2008-06-30T13:20:00.006+05:30

Hotmail founder and multi millionaire Sabeer Bhatia finally took the plunge when he married fiancée Tanya Sharma recently. Tanya, a successful businesswoman, is the heiress of the Baidyanath Group.

Sabeer Bhatia became an Indian tech superstar when he sold his Hotmail to Microsoft for $400 million.

After tossing up between Hawaii, Phuket, Bangkok, the family settled on the exclusive Malaysian Island of Langkawi. As befitting every super rich Indian family, the hotel was exclusively booked for 2 days and hundreds of VIPs attended.

Photos of the wedding were emailed anonymously to me which you can see before the lawyers start breathing down my back. Nothing warms the heart of a single girl like me than to see two people in love and married. The bride looks gorgeous. Congrats. And to think it all started with a clever mail system.

Genpact guard put me in a coma

2008-06-09T13:24:00.002+05:30

Hello, my name is techgirl. My day job is writing about business and technology for one of India’s leading media houses. You might find it very hard to believe that sometimes I cannot write what is really happening in the Indian tech world. My Editor is ‘close friends’ with half the tech moguls in India. Our advertising department is even closer to these tech companies. So, we write only positive feel good stories about the Indian IT, BPO and KPO sectors. My Chief Reporter is a true believer who tells me that it is ‘disloyal’ to India to publish anything negative about India. Ms Chief Reporter feels that the sexual harassment case against Infosys was a conspiracy by America’s Silicon Valley to prevent more jobs outsourced to the best and brightest in Bangalore.

Sadly, this has resulted in senior managers and my close friends in TCS, Infosys, Genpact, Satyman etc not given a chance to tell Indians what they really feel. These CEO’s ring me at night and pour their heart out. I will use this blog to tell Indians what their bosses really feel. Sometimes, I am half asleep am not sure what they really want to say. But as an Indian journalist that has never stopped me giving the facts from my sleepy recollection of events.

I am still looking for sponsors. Trashgoss (aka Techgoss) will be part funding me the first year. After working in the tech media for many years, I am open to any sponsorship ‘opportunities’.

I know your first question will be why I have not posted anything in this blog for a few months. Well I have not been too well. Actually, I have been in a coma for a few months.

How did I land up in a comatose state? Well it all started in January, 2008 when I was crossing Genpact offices in Gurgaon. Suddenly, I saw Pramod walking towards his brand new sparkling TATA Nano. As regular readers of my blog know I have a crush on Pramod. I think he looks like King Khan and has the gravitas of Big B. I just wanted to say hello.

Much against my better judgment, I stopped my scooter and rushed towards the Guard Gate outside the Genpact Office in Gurgaon. The Haryanvi guard thought there was something suspicious about the way I was rushing towards his boss Pramod while he was getting into the car. The guard pushed me to the ground (Nothing unusual in this as this is how Delhi/Punjab/Haryana security behave).

The next thing I knew I was floating into a deep unconscious. Something that BPO employees feel after only 2 hours talking in a fake accent to American customers especially ones with credit card problems. You don’t know whether you are alive or dead. And you stop caring.

I digress. I lost consciousness for a few months. And the next thing I know it is the month of June and I am back in the real world being served hand and foot at the Apollo Hospital where all the VIPs in Delhi are treated.

What happened? And what was a under paid journalist doing at Apollo where they charge you Rs. 50,000 just to look at an X-Ray. Actually it is Rs. 200 for the X-Ray and Rs. 10,000 for the specialist and Rs. 38,800 for food and accommodation feeling exclusive.

The doctor at Apollo was all fake smiles. When I asked him why I was admitted to Apollo, he said that Apollo was for VIPs. And so anyone who worked for Genpact could afford it.

WTH (What they hell?). These guys thought I was an Agent at Genpact because they found me lying unconscious outside it. And so I could afford the best hospital. The reality is that we journalists are lucky enough if we have enough spare money to buy headache tablets at the local (fake) chemist.

As soon as they realized I was not an overpaid Agent at Genpact, they threw me out.

I went home after many months. When I was falling asleep the phone rang:

Techgirl: Hello, who is it?

Voice at the other end: It’s me. Lord and master of Genpact. Master of all I survey in Gurgaon (laughs loudly)

Techgirl: Pramod Bhasin. Is it you? (This lord and master is a running joke between us)

Pramod Bhasin: Yes. What happened to you? My Agents have been calling you for the last 6 months to sell you everything from credit cards to shampoo, but no one is picking up the phone (more fake exaggerated laughter)

Techgirl: I have been hospitalized. Because of the way your guard pushed me while I was rushing over to say hello. I fell to the ground and was unconscious for 6 months. Just like a Hindu film, someone took me to Apollo hospital that took care of me without worrying about costs and billing.

Pramod Bhasin: (feigning surprise) what my guard pushed you? Hmm, this guard looks like Team Leader material. Or every an Operations Manager. Genpact likes such can-do people.

And what is this about Apollo not billing you? This would never happen in an Indian BPO. If we had our way we would bill our customers every 24 hours. And pad it a bit.

Techgirl: How is your new TATA NANO? It looks too small to be comfortable?

Pramod Bhasin: Well, I brought it because I always want to be at the leading edge. But big mistake. It is not comfortable at all. The worst part was seeing all my senior managers selling their cars and buying second-hand Fiats and Maruti. No one wanted to drive a car more expensive than me.

I sold the Nano last month and am back to my chauffer driven Mercedes.

Techgirl: So, what has been happening in your life?

Pramod: Well, I had too much free time at Genpact and so I put up my hand to become the Vice-Chairman of NASSCOM.

Techgirl: What the hell? NASSCOM. I thought you hated bureaucracy.

Pramod Bhasin: Well, when I joined I thought it would be easy. I thought like Genpact, everyone at Nasscom would listen to me. But everything is a committee decision at Nasscom. Even what samosas we should have or what colour the front door should be. And don’t get me started on where the ‘executive council’ should sit. Everyone has an ego and opinion. Ganesh is the Chairman, Som Mittal the President. Other members of the Executive Council are the bosses of BT, HCL, IBM, I-Flex and even Quattrro. With all these egos it is not wonder that NASSCOM is just a talk fest.

Big mistake. Next time I will only stick to Genpact where everyone knows who the boss is (laughs insanely for 3 minutes)

Techgirl: (I have learnt to recognize the laugh well. When it starts, it usually means that Pramod will switch the topic to how he started Genpact, how be groomed talent like Raman Roy. So, I switched the topic)

Pramod, have you read any good news articles recently?

Pramod Bhasin: Well, coincidentally I did. I read an article in my favorite newspaper Hindustan Times and I was deeply moved. I just sat there sipping my Barista coffee with my feet on the table. And tears streaming down my eyes. It was like seeing myself in a 10 feet mirror 20 years ago.

This girl was saying the same thing what I said 20 years ago: “I am so talented” and “I am not a delicate darling”. Check out the interview at think link.

Techgirl: Good night Pramod. I have to rehash a press release for an article tomorrow.

(The phone rang. It was Sudhir Agarwal from Aegis BPO. He usually takes my advice on many issues. Sudhir, like other respected CEO’s like Narayan Murthy and Raman Roy had had an impeccable personal reputation. Sudhir has done more for gender equality than any most men in the BPO industry)

Sudhir Agarwal: Techgirl, wanted your advice on a few things. And please don’t publish this in Dataquest.

Techgirl: You know everything from our advertisers is off the record

Sudhir Agarwal: This is something I have never seen before and so want your advice. One of my Senior Agents is having an affair with a subordinate. And because of this the junior is getting preferential treatment. What should I do?

I have never encountered such a scenario where someone in a BPO has a ‘consensual relationship’ with a junior and so I don’t know how to resolve this. Please tell me how senior managers like me can stop such inappropriate relationships. You have to help me resolve this problem for these two people as I believe work is no place for such dirty things.

Techgirl: Give me some time to think this over. Will get back to you. Good night

Note: I know a few of you will tell me that you have seen my name and byline in Trashgoss (aka Techgoss) and so how could I be in a coma. Well, simple answer to this is that even in a coma, I could do techgoss style stories as they do not require much intelligence or consciousness. Why do you think I call them Trashgoss?

BPO Bosses agree to be Paid Guests at wedding

2007-12-24T18:05:00.000+05:30

Hello, my name is techgirl. My day job is writing about business and technology for one of India’s leading media houses. You might find it very hard to believe that sometimes I cannot write what is really happening in the Indian tech world. My Editor is ‘close friends’ with half the tech moguls in India. Our advertising department is even closer to these tech companies. So, we write only positive feel good stories about the Indian IT, BPO and KPO sectors. My Chief Reporter is a true believer who tells me that it is ‘disloyal’ to India to publish anything negative about India. Ms Chief Reporter feels that the sexual harassment case against Infosys was a conspiracy by America’s Silicon Valley to prevent more jobs outsourced to the best and brightest in Bangalore.

Sadly, this has resulted in senior managers and my close friends in TCS, Infosys, Genpact, Satyman etc not given a chance to tell Indians what they really feel. These CEO’s ring me at night and pour their heart out. I will use this blog to tell Indians what their bosses really feel. Sometimes, I am half asleep am not sure what they really want to say. But as an Indian journalist that has never stopped me giving the facts from my sleepy recollection of events.

I am looking for sponsors. Trashgoss (aka Techgoss) will be part funding me the first year. After working in the tech media for many years, I am open to any sponsorship ‘opportunities’.

Recently, I saw this news article which said that Bollywood super star Shah Rukh Khan would attend your family wedding and dance and shake hands with your guests for a cool Rs. 1 crore. And that stars like Celina Jaitley, Malaika Arora Khan, Dia Mirza will come as ‘paid guests’ to a shaadi for Rs. 10 lakh.

That got me thinking. As an Indian journalist my only job seems to be rehashing a press release once a day. And attend junkets. So, there is lot of time to mull over these deep and useless thoughts.

What if the CEO and CFO’s of the IT and BPO industry did the same and attended weddings for a fee. As the management jargon goes, it would be a win-win situation. The would earn some pocket money, promote their tech companies to tipsy guests (think positive as captive audience) and have a free meal. I wasn’t sure and spoke to my confidant Amit Kapur via gmail. Amit always gives good advice and he felt it would be a good idea to speak to a few CEOs.

So, I rang Genpact boss Pramod Bhasin to get his thoughts. As I have mentioned before Pramod has the friendly good looks of superstar Shah Rukh. He also has the gravitas of Amitabh Bachan.

Techgirl: Pramod, are you busy?

Pramod Bhasin: Not really. I had my feet up on my desk and was sipping my fifth Barista today.

Techgirl: Pramod, would you mind attending Indian weddings as a paid ‘guest’?

Pramod Bhasin: What is in it for Genpact? I mean, what is in it for me? I mean Genpact..

Techgirl: You could charge a hefty fee like Shah Rukh Khan to attend the wedding (Money always gets his attention)

Pramod: Hmm, if it is good enough for Shah Rukh, it is good enough for me.

Techgirl: King Khan charges Rs. 1 crore. How much would you charge?

Pramod: All depends. Do they want me to attend the barat, the actual ceremony or dinner and drinks? Or the musical ceremony the day before.

Techgirl: Give me all your rates.

Pramod: Hmm. I think for walking in the Barat, I will charge Rs. 2 lakhs. Any request for Bhangra dance would be another Rs. 1 lakh. Mingling with dinner guests is another Rs. 1 lakh.

Techgirl: What else can you do?

Pramod: I can do solo numbers from Om Shanti Om and Aaja-Nachle. But that would be Rs. 25 thousand extra.

Techgirl: What else?

Pramod: We could get the newly weds some publicly. The Genpact media department has very good relations with a number of media organizations. What Genpact gives them, they publish blindly.

Techgirl: What else?

Pramod: You don’t want me to go for the honeymoon as well? (Chuckles nervously and takes a loud slurp from his Barista coffee).

Techgirl: Thanks Pramod and good night.

Next, I rang Aegis MD and CEO Aparup Sengupta. Aparup has only one mantra these days and that is to grow from a $200 million dollar company to 500 million. (He wants to be as big as Genpact. Aparup has a little brother-big brother complex with Pramod. The little brother thinks he is smarter than Pramod but cannot say it publicly)

Techgirl: Whats up? Would you like to be paid to attend weddings ?

Aparup Sengupta: No, no baba… You know I am exactly what my public image is. Smart but nerdy. I cannot dance to save my life. I don’t think I can go as a paid guest to any wedding.

Techgirl: But Pramod Bhasin from Genpact is ready to do it.

Aparup: Why dint you say so? If Pramod can do something, I can do it better. I will also accept money to attend weddings. I will dance better. I will have better synergies with the guests and give it my 120 percent. And whatever Pramod charges, I will be more reasonable. I can watch a few DVDs of Mithun and learn the steps.

Techgirl: Good night, Aparup. Got to speak to my mother (Big mistake mentioning Pramod to Aparup. He gets quite emotional and I have to make excuses to cut the phone)

Next, I rang NASSCOM President Kiran Karnik.

Techgirl: Whats up Kiran? Would you like to be paid to attend weddings ?

Kiran Karnik: You know everything in NASSCOM is a committee decision. NASSCOM will have to set up a committee to decide whether the NASSCOM President can be a paid guest at weddings. After the committee has decided, we will speak to the big boys like WIPRO, TCS, INFOSYS before making a public announcement. It usually takes 6 months for such important decisions.

Techgirl: That’s too bad. Because Pramod and Aparup are getting paid lots of money to do it.

Kiran: Hmm, on second thoughts I will do it. Most of the NASSCOM events don’t get publicity so no one will ever know that I moonlight as a wedding guest/dancer.

Techgirl: How much would you charge?

Kiran: Rs. 1 lakh in Dec, 2007 and then Rs. 5000 in Jan, 2008.

Techgirl: What the …? How come your rates will drop by 95 percent in one month.

Kiran: That’s because HP executive Som Mittal becomes NASSCOM President next month. As an ex-NASSCOM president you don’t have much value. I suppose I can look at doing kids birthday parties as well. And engagement parties. And kitty parties..

Techgirl: Good night. Talk to you next year.

Next, I rang Hotmail founder Sabeer Bhatia who got engaged recently. (See my earlier post in this blog)

Techgirl: Whats up Sabeer? Would you like to be paid to attend weddings?

Sabeer Bhatia: What the .. I have been engaged, but avoided my own wedding for 40 years. If I cannot go for my own wedding, why will I go for other peoples wedding? I think I have shaadiphobia. And I am very angry with you for letting everyone know how I have been taking Ayurvedic medicines recently to increase my energy levels. I thought it was only between us. Sun Bin in the ‘Art of Warfare’ said that we should never let our enemies know what our weaknesses are. (Slams down the phone).

Genpact Pramod Bhasin - I want a pay cut now.

2007-12-14T10:20:00.000+05:30

Hello, my name is techgirl. My day job is writing about business and technology for one of India’s leading media houses. You might find it very hard to believe that sometimes I cannot write what is really happening in the Indian tech world. My Editor is ‘close friends’ with half the tech moguls in India. Our advertising department is even closer to these tech companies. So, we write only positive feel good stories about the Indian IT, BPO and KPO sectors. My Chief Reporter is a true believer who tells me that it is ‘disloyal’ to India to publish anything negative about India. Ms Chief Reporter feels that the sexual harassment case against Infosys was a conspiracy by America’s Silicon Valley to prevent more jobs outsourced to the best and brightest in Bangalore.

Sadly, this has resulted in senior managers and my close friends in TCS, Infosys, Genpact, Satyman etc not given a chance to tell Indians what they really feel. These CEO’s ring me at night and pour their heart out. I will use this blog to tell Indians what their bosses really feel. Sometimes, I am half asleep am not sure what they really want to say. But as an Indian journalist that has never stopped me giving the facts from my sleepy recollection of events.

I am looking for sponsors. Trashgoss (aka Techgoss) will be part funding me the first year. After working in the tech media for many years, I am open to any sponsorship ‘opportunities’.

Last night, Genpact big boss and my yaar, Pramod Bhasin rang. As I have mentioned before, I think he is the best CEO in India and he agrees with me. He also has those friendly good looks like Shah Rukh Khan. Like all good Saint CEO’s he believes he is perfect. But he has a couple of weaknesses like drinking lots of Barista coffee and bumming cigarettes from junior staff. The last manager who refused to share his cigarette packet with Pramod was sent to a Second Tier city to spend 6 months writing a report on why Genpact should not start a branch there. When he got back, he worked as an Agent for 2 months before he finally got his old position back as Deputy Head of Operations. I digress.

Techgirl: How is life?

Pramod Bhasin: I don’t know. Every 10 years, I have a few moments of doubt. Today was one of those days. I just put my feet up on my desk, dimmed the lights, had a few cups of Barista coffee and just thought about many things for 3-4 hours. Around 3.30 pm, my driver picked me up and drove me to my farmhouse at Sultanpur.

Techgirl: You mean you did not do any work today?

Pramod: No, this is what I do most of the days. But today I dimmed the lights, and that to me means that something was bothering me. This is my introspection mode. I flipped through a few pages of my favorite author John Steinbeck, but could not settle my mind.

I think it is the size of my pay packet that is bothering me.

Techgirl: You are one of the highest paid CEO’s in India earning 1 crore a month. Whats the problem? Is it the rising rupee as you are paid in dollars?

Pramod: There is something that is bothering me about my 1 crore a month salary. But I cannot put my finger to it.

When I cross the struggling masses to my office every morning, I sometimes wonder why I earn so much.

Techgirl: By struggling masses, you mean the beggars on the streets in Gurgaon.

Pramod: No. I mean the Team Leaders and Managers that I see when walking into my office.

And of course those mediocre CEO’s of Aegis and IBM Daksh. How do they manage on a paltry Rs. 10 Lakh a month?

Techgirl: What the …? What have you done the money over all these years?

Pramod: Banked most of it. I do have an indulgence though. Every night, my servant puts crisp Rs. 1000 notes all over my bed. This is the only way I can sleep. And I wake up to my success. Nothing like a crisp note caressing you in the morning.

Techgirl: Wow… I am just a journalist. Indian journalists are lucky to have Rs. 10 in their purse. We live on the good food at press conferences and junkets. Though things are getting better now.

Pramod: Actually, I do earn more than I need. My problem is how to take a pay cut without losing face. Many a time I have fantasized that I would walk into the Genpact Board meeting and say: “I need a pay cut. No, I want a pay cut”. Just to see the look on their faces. And go down in Indian corporate history as the best every CEO who asked for pay cut.

But I always chicken out. I would lose face with a pay cut. And I don’t want to show any weakness to wannabe Pramods like Aegis COO Sudhir Agarwal who is always trying to copy me. Sudhir has even started dressing like me. If we start a BPO in Chandigarh, Aegis is there the next day. Copycat. I am sure he fancies himself as the head of Genpact one day.

Techgirl: What do you think of the NASSCOM Women’s Summit on Dec 12th? IBM and Infosys won most of the awards for empowering women. But Genpact did not get a single award. Should you not be doing more for equality of women in Genpact?

Pramod: Well Genpact is different from half baked organizations like IBM. I am Genpact and Genpact is me. I take each and every important decision including what bonuses we should give to good Agents. I designed the building and we only take on new customers if I feel they are good enough for the Genpact club.

So, if Genpact has to take additional steps for more gender equality for women, it will have to do the same for men. All the men and women here come to learn, earn great money and then go to senior jobs at IBM Daksh and Infosys BPO.

Last year, Raman Roy told Express newspapers that I can be a terror to work with, but Raman also said that I am always five steps ahead of peers when presented with a problem. Raman Roy had so much potential, if only he had stuck with Genpact.

Techgirl: Boy, you are hot. Good night (I have a soft corner for King Bhasin which I will explain some other time. Women like such strong, confident, take charge kind of guys. And nice guys like Aegis COO Sudhir get nowhere)

Hotmail Founder: Depressed in Gurgaon

2007-12-08T09:51:00.000+05:30

Hello, my name is techgirl. My day job is writing about business and technology for one of India’s leading media houses. You might find it very hard to believe that sometimes I cannot write what is really happening in the Indian tech world. My Editor is ‘close friends’ with half the tech moguls in India. Our advertising department is even closer to these tech companies. So, we write only positive feel good stories about the Indian IT, BPO and KPO sectors. My Chief Reporter is a true believer who tells me that it is ‘disloyal’ to India to publish anything negative about India. Ms Chief Reporter feels that the sexual harassment case against Infosys was a conspiracy by America’s Silicon Valley to prevent more jobs outsourced to the best and brightest in Bangalore.

Sadly, this has resulted in senior managers and my close friends in TCS, Infosys, Genpact, Satyman etc not given a chance to tell Indians what they really feel. These CEO’s ring me at night and pour their heart out. I will use this blog to tell Indians what their bosses really feel. Sometimes, I am half asleep am not sure what they really want to say. But as an Indian journalist that has never stopped me giving the facts from my sleepy recollection of events.

I am looking for sponsors. Trashgoss (aka Techgoss) will be part funding me the first year. After working in the tech media for many years, I am open to any sponsorship ‘opportunities’.

Last night, Hotmail founder Sabeer Bhatia rang. He is quite bright and made $400 million dollars when he sold Hotmail to Microsoft. Sadly, his next two companies Arzo and Blog Everywhere were jinxed. Third time lucky with his new company InstaColl? Can’t say. No one seems to be sure if a company will succeed. The whole trick is learning the latest jargon and read a few good newspapers like Mint and Business Standard. And ask a few ‘intelligent’ questions at press conferences like how do you see China competing with India in the software sector. Some would say that half the journalists have built their careers just on this question. I digress.

Techgirl: How is it going Sabeer? Did you check the new Google mail features? (As you can imagine he is still in love with Hotmail and any mention of Google or Yahoo Mail gets him going. I have to pep him up because most of the time he is a very low energy kind of person)

Sabeer Bhatia: Life is good. We have just launched a new product InstaColl and I am excited. I told the Indian press that InstaColl will do to documents what Hotmail did to email.

Techgirl: What does your new product do?

Sabeer: Well it allows users to share files across the internet. InstaColl stands for Instant Collaboration over the net. You can share screen, word documents across countries and see a power point presentation being done in China. This is a new concept in the world.

Techgirl: Not really. Microsoft’s ‘Live Meeting’ has this functionality. Convoq and NextPage do some of this. Why do you think you will succeed?

Sabeer: I have a good feeling about this. Also, it gives me some meaning in life. Life had become pretty depressing after the world rejected my last two product. It was only because like most visionaries I am ahead of my time.

Techgirl: What is your business plan?

Sabeer: Some things old. Some things new.

Naturally, capitalize on my name and success. Try to link it to the success of brand name of hotmail at every opportunity.

InstaColl was founded by Sumanth Raghavendra, and Kaushal Cavale as well. But these guys are happy to keep a low profile while Sabeer Bhatia is in the forefront at press conferences.

Gets lots of free publicity from a few friendly journalists.

You should check our disclaimer in our website. We are giving the product to you free, but may charge you later. We thank Microsoft without being associated with it. Microsoft sure taught me how to write legal documents which protect us.

At the end no one is ever sure if a product will ever succeed and how much can we sell it for. When I was negotiating with Microsoft to sell Hotmail, they were initially offering my only $2 million dollars. I personally never expected more than $10 million. They landed up giving up $400 Mil. Who would have ever thought? My personal view – 50 percent chance of success, but I cannot say it publicly.

If we build up a large number of users, we will sell InstaColl and move to the next project

I hope it succeeds. I cannot drive around Gurgaon aimlessly one more time. God help us.

Techgirl: What the ..? Never seen you get sentimental. After you made your millions most of your time in California was spent driving flash cars and partying.

Sabeer: You don’t know what it feels like having Arzo and Blog Everywhere fail on me. I shut myself from the world. I had to pretend that I had work to go do. Most of the times my driver picked me up at 11 am and we used to just drive around Gurgaon aimlessly. I used to just hang around Hotel Park Plaza having cups of coffee by myself pretending to read some papers in my briefcase. It was horrible.

Once day, I was so depressed that I just lay down and fell asleep on the nature strip outside Genpact offices in Gurgaon. What was most embarrassing was the security guard woke me up and asked me to move along. When I told him I invented Hotmail, he said everyone in India uses Yahoo. The humiliation. Fortunately, it is all in the past now.

Techgirl: Sabeer, you used to be such a low energy person. For the first time, I am seeing you so energetic and full of life. Whats’ changed?

Sabeer: Two Ayurvedic products young-Stress Guard, a stress-relieving capsule, and Neem Guard, a blood-purifier and skin rejuvenator. Both are made by Calcutta-based Baidyanath. Once I started taking them I became a new man. No more driving aimlessly around Gurgaon. No more pretending to work on projects when I had nothing to do.

Tanya is the only person who gave me a reason to live and dream.

Techgirl: That’s great. I will try them as well. Whets Baidyanath like?

Sabeer: Good. I liked the Baidyanath products so well that I bought the company.

Techgirl: Like what the American business Victor Kian said when he brought Remington shavers in 1970.

Sabeer: No, no. I am engaged to be married to the Baidyanath heiress Tanya Sharma. The synergies are just perfect - my millions and InstaColl and her millions. I am getting close to 40 now and want to settle down. Lots of baby hotmails eating healthy Ayurvedic medicines.

Techgirl: Nice to see you settling down after all those years of partying. Now that you are hitched, I have to ask you about the rumor linking you to Aishwarya Rai

Sabeer: There never was anything between us. But the rumor took a life of its own and I played along neither confirming nor denying it.

I suspect that Indian Google or Yahoo executives were behind the rumor. And I would like to thank them.

Then, spoilsport Aishwarya spoilt it by denying it in a public interview. Aishwarya, I want to tell you one thing "Beauty is skin deep, but hotmail is forever".

Today, I am peace with myself. I get up at 9.30 am instead of the old 11 am. I do Yoga for 5 minutes, have 5 tablespoons of my wife’s Ayurvedic products. Trip to the temple to seek blessings for InstaColl and then work till 5 pm. I have got the perfect work life balance. Also, keep away from media as they build you up and then pull you down. Except for Dataquest which always does balanced stories.

When I get back home, like most Indian husbands I have to explain how I have spent my pocket money. As we will only move in together after the marriage, I talk to her via InstaColl in the night.

My life is like the Indian film Dus Kahaniyan. There will be at least 10 products – some good and some bad.

NASSCOM Chief: Don't criticize Infosys, TCS

2007-12-04T12:00:00.000+05:30

Hello, my name is techgirl. My day job is writing about business and technology for one of India’s leading media houses. You might find it very hard to believe that sometimes I cannot write what is really happening in the Indian tech world. My Editor is ‘close friends’ with half the tech moguls in India. Our advertising department is even closer to these tech companies. So, we write only positive feel good stories about the Indian IT, BPO and KPO sectors. My Chief Reporter is a true believer who tells me that it is ‘disloyal’ to India to publish anything negative about India. Ms Chief Reporter feels that the sexual harassment case against Infosys was a conspiracy by America’s Silicon Valley to prevent more jobs outsourced to the best and brightest in Bangalore.

Sadly, this has resulted in senior managers and my close friends in TCS, Infosys, Genpact, Satyman etc not given a chance to tell Indians what they really feel. These CEO’s ring me at night and pour their heart out. I will use this blog to tell Indians what their bosses really feel. Sometimes, I am half asleep am not sure what they really want to say. But as an Indian journalist that has never stopped me giving the facts from my sleepy recollection of events.

I am looking for sponsors. Trashgoss (aka Techgoss) will be part funding me the first year. After working in the tech media for many years, I am open to any sponsorship ‘opportunities’.

Last night, the phone rang. I picked up the phone and could only hear quite sobbing.

Techgirl: Hello

Caller: Sniffle. Cry. Sniffle. Sob…

Techgirl: Is that you Deepa? (my girlfriend feels that her boyfriend does not give her any attention as he is forever at work. What did she expect going out with a BPO HR type who lives and breathes jobs, numbers and the passion killer - attrition? Every time her boyfriend loses 20 employees a month, he refuses to cuddle). I digress.

Kiran Karnik: (sobbing and barely audible) No, its Kiran the NASSCOM President.

Techgirl: Whats up Kiran? Why are you sobbing? You just come back from a first-class 20-day fact finding mission from California, London and Paris. You should be happy, what’s bothering you?

Kiran Karnik: My children are fighting and I cannot do anything about it.

Techgirl: What the … You know I never get involved in any family matters or gossip. How about NASSCOM hiring a counselor for such issues? I am interested in gossip but only if it about that senior manager at Convergys who is a bit of a ladies man. And that swinger from Genpact..

Kiran: (sobs more). It is not my family. It is about NASSCOM members whom I consider every closer than my own family. They are fighting and as their father figure I cannot do anything about it. I know how Gandhiji felt during partition.

Last month, Larsen and Toubro boss, A M Naik lashed out at my other children Infosys, TCS and others. And he said lots of hurtful things. In an interview with DNA, he said horrible, horrible things like:

“Does Infosys have the technology? Can they do what L&T can? Can they build India’s defence, build ships, missile launchers, nuclear plants, satellites or radars? No.L&T is one among eight companies in the world who can”

“The least that the politicians can do is stop cutting ribbons in the outsourcing industry. There are more than 75,000 engineers working on design in India for foreign companies. They are the brains, and there are 150,000 other engineers working in the IT industry who are non-computer science engineers. Then the Bangalore Club complains that infrastructure there is cracking. Arrey tumko kisne bola tha 100,000 engineers leke aao Bangalore mein. Secondly, who asked you to recruit civil engineers? There are no civil engineers available to build infrastructure”

“Infosys is so focused on making 26% profits, their India revenue is less that 1.5%. So India doesn’t benefit with its own people. This makes me angry. Now they say they are looking at India and China, forced by their profitability issue. Not because they have any love for our country! ”

Techgirl: What’s Naik problem? His company is worth a few billion dollars and Larsen and Toubro are also in the IT software outsourcing business.

Kiran: That’s right. And that’s what hurts. Larsen and Toubro Infotech has about 7000 software employees and plans to be the a billion dollar software company by 2011. But they have been beaten by my other children TCS, Infosys, WIPRO and they do not like it.

Techgirl: What is Naik really like?

Kiran: Very talented. Very intelligent, but an ego to match. Check out the interview he gave to DNA. It’s as if he has single-handedly built up his company and all other managers were doing nothing but eating paan and watching Om Shanti Om. His favourite word is I this, I that, I me …

Techgirl: Was Naik always like that ?

Kiran: (sobs quietly) He was pretty okay till about 3-4 years. Then Businessworld magazine did a cover story on him about how Naik was so much like America’s best executive and legendary GE Chairman Jack Welch.

His ego spun out of control after that. According to office goss, Naik carries a small mirror in his wallet.

Now, if my favourite magazine Dataquest had done the story they would be more balanced. I love Dataquest not only because what it has done for me, but for its clever, insightful, balanced reporting. And you know Dataquest have the same integrity like when Arun Shourie was with the Indian Express.

Techgirl: What was the industry response like?

Kiran: Officially, very subdued but privately they are fuming. Publicly, Infosys Company’s Director, Human Resource, Mohandas Pai, is only saying that had it not been for the IT sector, India would have had to pawn its gold once again like it did in 1991. Echoing the sentiments of Mr Pai, Girish Paranjpe, President, Wipro said: The IT sector has given workers a global exposure and offers great career opportunity to millions of Indians.

Privately, they are fuming. This is what they told me on the phone but will not say publicly.

Satyam’s Raju rang me last month and called him an “ullu”. Naturally, he swore me to secrecy.

TCS’ S Mahalingam called him a “gadha”.

Cognizant’s Francisco D’Souza rang me this morning and called him an “idiot” In a very African accent.

Infosys’s Narayana Murthy, god bless his gentle honest soul, rang me to say after deep introspection he will not even make a private comment. Mr. Murthy is too good and politically correct to spar with any ‘look at me, look at me..’ personalities.

Techgirl: What do you intend doing?

Kiran: Nothing, I will maintain a dignified silence. When next I bump into Larsen and Toubro Infotech Chief Executive Vijay Kumar Magapu, I will give him a big hug and affectionately ruffle his hair. Vijay reports directly to A M Naik. Would be very hard on Vijay to see the software industry attacked. Not to mention the hundreds of software professionals who work for L&T.

Why do my IT children fight over such petty, egotistical issues? Why ? (Gets all sentimental)

Techgirl: Good night. Talk later.

HCL CEO Vineet Nayar: Laptops preventing babies

2007-11-30T12:04:00.000+05:30

TCS Boss: Media should ask me hard questions

2007-11-27T05:47:00.000+05:30

NASSCOM: offers job to Pakistan's Benazir Bhutto

2007-11-22T14:07:00.000+05:30

Genpact Pramod Bhasin - I am No. 1

2007-11-15T11:37:00.000+05:30